.:entries:.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Never blog for very long time... But not so many things to talk about... Just fel so frustrated with myself today... It's like only one week left and I still can't play Novena and JiaYing got really pissed... I don't know... I just feel like sometimes I think she might have regretted getting a junior like me... I mean, already a year has passed and my playing still sucks more than a kid with a popsicle... Brought my horn home today and it's just like I'm stuck there. No matter how hard I try, I just can't play it well enough... Well, to be completely frank, I can't say that I've never regretted joining band but since I'm already in, I might as well try... But all the same it's very frustrating. I just felt and insane urge to just hurl myself off a tall building. And band is not the only thing I have trouble with. My mom still seemed pissed off with my EOY results. Actually, I can't forget about it too... Ooh... And Taekwando doesn't seem to be going very well too... I've not been going for training for quite some bit... And not to forget my Theory... I jsut can't seem to get the concept so now, I stuck, pretending that I understand every single thing that my piano teacher's talking about... I mean, what can I do? Tell him over and over again that I don't have a fucking clue what he's talking about? Honest? Yes. But there's the fact that a LOT of people's patience is wearing thin with me and I don't want another after my blood. Sure, he may be very patient, but I don't think it'll last very long at the rate I'm going. And not to forget my oh-so-screwed-up family life. I'm starting to tell that my father's getting tired of me. He's starting to get angry for the slightest problem caused by me. My sis became this even bigger brat... I shall not mention my mother.
Looking back at my past entries, I realised that this is actually the first time I blogged my thoughts about band... I dont' know why... Maybe it's because there's nothing to blog about, or maybe I'm afraid that the seniors would actually read those entries and have opinions about me... I don't know... But now, I guess I don't really care that much. After all, since the impression was already made, what they read won't really matter because I've known people who even lie to themselves and they might think I'm one of them...
It just struck me that GuoTong seemed like a MarySue from the way JiaYing described her today... As in, perfect grades, no social problems, excels in everything she does... I never really thought that I would meet a real life MarySue, I didn't even know one exists... But I guess there's a first time for everything...
Must stop all these depressing thoughts... Oh well... Just feel so stuffed up... and frustrated... and pissed... and angry... and scared?... and tons of other feelings... Just another day of my fucked up life...

dusted at 9:30 PM
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~