.:entries:.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

sigh, can't believe I'm already 14... can't believe it's already the end of Feb. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... how... SYF coming soon... Have this very sinking feeling that I'm gonna screw up everything. Sometimes I just can't help but find myself a good-for-nothing... shit. feeling so shi bai. Dunno why. Past few weeks just flew by just like that, it's all so surreal. Sometimes I wonder if all that I'm living in is a dream, and everything would suddenly just disappear... Or maybe we are just some kind of show created by other 'higher beings' for entertainment. If that was the case, they sure are cruel. Look at all those people suffering out there. Perhaps that's all that we are, you never know. As in, what if we're just puppets meant to be manupilated? What if one day we just get tossed aside, no longer having any purpose? (Just realised how depressing this seems... I'm in another wierd mood... shit)
Have the sudden urge to cry. Dunno why. Maybe I'm just really touched by all the 'Happy Birthdays' I got and stuff like that. I mean, it's never really been this 'big' before. It used to be just a cake, a present, a meal outside. one day is over. I don't know, can't really describe it in words. It just feels wierd. Sheesh. But I'm really grateful. I never really expected it. This sounds very, very, very, very wierd. (And I'm still getting that sense of detachment.)
As for the mosquitoes, they're still feasting. I've been getting some mosquito bites, but I dun get much, like one or two liddat. But I have the feeling that if it wasn't for the air-conditioned environment my parents and sis now sleep in, they would get much more bites.. yar. Because of my diagreement with the aircon, I am currently sleeping on the living room sofa. It's fun. Really fun. Sometimes, I can just stare at the fishes in the aquiriam 'beside' me. 30 minutes can pass that way. heh. My poor goldfish, now only got one eye. haha. Anyway, stupid mosquitoes. But if weren't for them, I would never have really discovered the joys of sleeping in the living room.
I sound wierd today. Anyway, exchange today was fun larh. Quite funny. Though I think that AHS guy was uber wierd. Least he could do was to at least say something before suddenly jumping into the topic of 5-day workweek. I was like, huh? What the hell was he doing, suddenly talking abt 5day workweek. Yar. Our BM's tall. heh. Aiya.. not a lot to talk about it. So basically, it was fun. And I thus conclude that Susu's wierd. (Hey, if other people can get away with jumping from topic to topic just like that, so can I.) I mean, the exchange was a 'fun' event, it doesn't really matter if you screw up or not. The main thing is that you learn something and don't do it during comp. oh man, I feel so mean. Yar. A bit of self-consoling here. Cos I screwed up a lot oso. yay for me.
Shit, really feel like getting that giant teddy bear I say. But it costs hundred over bucks, better be more conservative. Argh, feel like squashing something. Oh well. Yar. That doggie Chloe gave me is extremely cute. really, really, really cute. Thanks a lot. Never really thought that you would actually remember what I said. Man, I feel so thankful, you're such a great sbm. Love ya. heh. Sometimes I really feel loved. Awwwwwwwww... (Now I'm being mushy... heh.)
(jumping topic again.) Yay. our dear prestiged class treasurer finally decides to update. Better be soon. By the end of (um...) april, if she still don't update, I will really have something to say. yar. ehh. Feel so mean. I'm wierd today. Yeps. Feeling very wierd. And I've been saying this a lot today. Wadeva, I'm feeling strange.
Sometimes numbness might be a good thing. It kinda absorbs the impact of whatever bad news that might have hit you. But I don't think long-term detachness can be a good thing. I still don't know what am I doing most of the times now. And I am so gonna flunk school this year. Two months just flew past with a poof. If I really think about it, sec4 doesn't really seem that far away, if you really think about it. Sometimes I still think about when I was in Pri.1. How naive and innocent I was. and 6-years down the road, I'm like this. heh. big change. But it's like, one month doesn't seem like much, but as months by months pass by, you suddenly take the time to stop and recall, you'll be surprised how many months turned years have passed by already.
Heh. Should sum up liao, or else more crap will pour out and I never know what would actually pour out from that big mouth of mine. So... Happy Bithday to Me. Ain't I ego. Signing off. Ta. Love all of ya. Heh. Feeling warm today.

dusted at 10:40 PM
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