i've had enough already. i'm sorry, okay. i'm sorry for not being perfect. i'm sorry for being such a failure. i'm sorry okay. it's not as if i'm having the heck of a time in school either. sometimes i can't help but wonder if i'm really alone. being daoed in school is bad enough already okay, you don't have to continue shaking your head and reminding me what a failure i am. i can take a bloody hint woman. i'm really sick of this. from everything you've said, the only attitude that you'll consider proper would be if i happen to go on a permenant mugging spree. oh the joy. it's not as if i'm permenantly fixing my eyes on the comp. for your information, and in case you didn't notice, which i'm sure you didn't, i've not touch the fricking comp for at least two to three days already. all i did was to go online to check my e-mail and this is what i get. i don't know what to do to make you happy anymore. i'm sick and tired of this.
sometimes i never wonder why i don't feel like going home when others are whining and complaining about wanting to go home. i don't know, i just feel as if i can't be myself in this pathetic excuse of a supposedly happy and warm place. i know you guys are much better off without me. this whole thing's just fucking hilarious. lol. i don't think i'll ever get accepted if they happen to know what i really feel like, what i really am like. dammit. am i screwed or what?
some people i hate, for a reason too. i'm half tempted to block these particular people. hmm... maybe i shall. i know i may seem like a brat but i'm really sick about all of this already. if you're going to dao me, i see no point in maintaining any form of contact, since you're never gonna use it anyway. also, the same applies for the few certain who never seem to be able to inform me regarding anything i may happen to need to know or do. particularly when it comes to project work. i'm going to change all my contact numbers, block these few people and see if they still can inform me stuff last minute. it's not that i'm that ji4 jiao3, but it's really very irritating and frustrating when i have to cheong last minute work just because you happen to conveniently forget to inform me something. i'm sick and tired of this. i hate my life. bleah.
okay, speaking about daoing and last minute stuff, this certain person comes into mind. i mean, i ask you something, you don't know just say don't know larh, don't need to just like turn your head and ignore me without even saying a single thing. lol. if i happen to talk about these stuff, i'll have loads to talk about, but then again, it's not as if i'm perfect myself. so thou shan't be a hypocrite. shit. just reminded myself of my screwed up position.
dammit. i suck. enough said.
i don't know why, but things are just getting worse. i don't know. but it's either i start daoing her first, or she's just plain daoing me. i'm sure if she happen to know, she'll deny the latter. yar. i mean, i know we've got our own circle of friends and stuff, but sometimes she's just plain ordering me around, or at least that's how i'm feeling. argh. human relations are just so complicated. bleah.
dammit. for some reason, philo and jubilation's stuck in my head. not a very good combi if you ask me. haha. death penalty's such a big fat irony. like what that certain person's mentioned [thou shalt refrain from mentioning her name. i'm pissed you see.] it's used to teach people the importance and preciousness of life, by killing people. i don't know. most of the focus during debates of such issues, more of the concerns are on the 'victim'. what about the person who's supposed to do the actually killing? i don't know, but look at all the 'examples' of euthanasia i've found in anime. it all seems rather unfair to the 'killer'. but of course, since they're normally part of the plot, it could always be used to make the audience sympatise and relate to the hero/heroine[s] of the story better. i mean. yar. main characters always have to go through trials and tribulations and the best are those in which they suffer. -sadistic laugh- well, that's generally how it goes. but somehow, it still seems very unfair. argh. it's either i'm an insensitive bastard, or that i'm over emotional.
speaking about anime, i still can't believe i nearly cried towards the end of wolf's rain. okay. so it was the manga, but that's besides the point. but really, it was very tragic, though it's a happy ending, unlike the anime. but for some reason, it just feels more melancholic. i mean, if according the manga, paradise can be built based on one's beliefs and strengths, with the hope of all the people out there, why is paradise so difficult to reach? is the flower maiden, which many have died for really necessary to reach paradise? dammit. the series' just too tragic.
death is so overrated. okay. that was random. but why do we debate over so many issues when a human life is concern? what about the countless chickens and of course many other animals we slaughter everyday? do we even spare a thought about them? is death really that scary? i guess it is natural to fear the unknown. but honestly, death is overrated. not meaning to sound offensive, but i mean, i guess that's why there are religions. even if they may seem different, they're all actually trying to solve the mystery after death. okay. maybe not that, they're all trying to give an explanation regarding what is after death. i don't know. maybe that's why i don't really have much faith. -slaps self- they go againts my logic. sorry if anyone happens to find this offensive. i really didn't mean anything. it's all my musings. yar. but i admit, it is kinda sad if a person really do not have anything to believe in. haha. don't i just rock.
i did say that i'm going to post pics for every post [i think]. anyway. this one's currently stuck in my AIC. let's hope mrs. yap doesn't decide to collect it anytime soon. haha. lol. piggy-poo used to be so skinny then. i swear kime's developing boobs.
dusted at 10:35 PM
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