Permenant Hiatus: Bittersweet Irony

2006-04-01T05:32:00.000-08:00

um... for those people who haven't realised by now, i've changed me blog. yepp... happy searching... unless i told you the link already... ^^

...

2006-03-05T05:39:00.000-08:00

hmm... should i change my blog? damn. now i fell stupid after working so long on this layout... >< nvm... can treat that i'm just testing... hm... so should i change my blog?? i mean, is like, i've really had this blog for quite some time liao. and i want to know how long it takes for shuhui to look for this one... ><
argh. just when i finally find a day to do indiv, i have to go get me ic... irritating... i feel really damnned guilty. >< sometimes i seriously feel like crying. and a particular few people are currently on my really really want to slap list, which is starting to grow at quite a rate... this is baaaaaaaad...
yepp. i really feel like changing blog, cos this is kinda a biiiiiiiiiiiig blog now... oh wells.

muahahaha...

2006-03-05T05:25:00.000-08:00

muahaha... finally, a skin i made meself... rather pleased with it too... tho other than entries, it doesn't exactly display much... >< then again, i'm only a beginner when it comes to blogger coding... ==
yep. i really should find a place to put credits, but for the time being, the pic's taken from wolf's rain. ^^ yepp.

2006-02-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

yay. after not blogging for like goodness knows how long, i am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack... muahahahahaha...
then again, it's not as if i have much to blog about... == lol. still don't understand why blogger like cannot type in chinese liddat... though i haven't exactly been around for a long time... so even if can... i wouldn't know... == whoot. i rock.
yep... um... what to blog... um... um... maybe i should just make people go through pages to dots just to irritate them.. yep. i'm a meano.
hm...
华文
oh yes!! can type in chinese... ir at least, can see from the preview... == so if cannot read, sue blogger, not me... >< [can i get banned for this type of comments? can i even get banned in the first place?? 有蛋塞住你一口... 呕了，他吃，哇!! mada mada... [映像中，应该是跟mother有关...] since 某阿三还没放上她的blog, 偶就抢着先blog了... 忽然想起，貌似还欠她一篇quiz... 汗... waah... i really think i don't have much to blog about recently. oh. i know. i shall blog about that new laser printer me daddy-kins got... so now, i can't print piccie... awwww.. how sad... but now, i'm abusing the printer, printing fanfics... lol. anyway, read fun with grocery stores for like three more times... it's really damn hilarious... cracks me up whenever i read it... == cheeseburger of doom is good... yepp. though i kinda suspect that person's got split personalities... i mean, his/her fics are either hilarious or angst-tay!! sounds like 'rathi... == oh wells.
um... i seriously have not much to blog unless it involves catching up with the myus me and 3k have been watching... bleachmyu... but that's kinda sorta old...== just really basic description will do i guess... i owe that much for not blogging for so long/not taking any screenies at all.. >< [don't hurt me!!] yeppies... chinese.. whoot
死神舞台剧花絮 = 一群很有问题的人hi-5ing
死神舞台剧 = 一群被遗弃在某黑暗的角落的小孩的故事...
恩... 就大概这样把...
oh yar... PS所代表的东东：
1. *pnish* shine
2. photoshop
3. plaza sing.
4. paul segarra
5. potato salad
... tbc...

2005-12-31T08:27:00.000-08:00

blah. it's a new year people ^^ and i really want to start with an optimistic look. but a bit the hard man...
it's not that i'm not happy being in the same class as those people, but i'm really pissed with the fact that i'm the only niner in 306... feel like crying for some reason man... i knew there was a reason i cried that day.. [not going to tell which day... -sticks out tongue-] but with me dad and that person in the same class, i think whoever came up with the allocation better be careful cos they'll soon be having a homocidal teen on their hands, a.k.a moi.
and not to say that other stuff's going on cery smooth either... i'm really starting to get the feeling that they're starting to dislike me more and more as each time that happens. what can i say? i'm just that popular man. oh just how i love life in rgs man. [like i say, sarcarsm's wasted on the dense and ignorant] dammit. if this is how 2006's gonna begin, what will the ending be like man. i am so looking forward to it. perhaps, it might end with me flunking all my subjects and getting kicked out of school ^^ that'll be something to look forward to. and i'm sure plenty are looking forward to that. okay... i'm angsting, but who gives a damn man. i mean, i'm just me. not that anyone cares or anything. [i hate the universe and the universe hates me. ooh. i like that ^^]
know what? now that idea of getting kicked out of school doesn't seem that bad right now... >< ahh... heck.

2005-12-21T03:45:00.000-08:00

i don't think i'm feeling well. was reading through my previous entries, and suddenly had the urge to mug. i don't know why... i think the previous intensive mugging period left a scar somewhere. [must be the pringles...] this is baaaaaaaaaaad... but at least it'll keep my parents happy................................................................. ah who gives a damn. i know! i shall attempt to finish the website! lardeedar.

sheesh

2005-12-21T03:22:00.000-08:00

don't even have the guts to admit that you might be wrong. cowards. i've had enough of you accusing me of doing stuff i'm not doing. sure, i may spend more time with the comp than with you all, but it just goes to proce that the computer's more interesting than you. idiot. do you see me sticking my eyeballs on to the screen? besides, i'm doing homework you idiot. website? any bells? yar. i may like tenimyu more than any of you, but it just goes to show that tenimyu's more likeable. but i don't go watching it 24/7, so you have no right to accuse me of watching it [again] just because i plug in the earphones and ignore you, a bit. in case you didn't notice, that thing is practicing on the piano, and guess what happens if i don't plug in the earphones to the comp? yep. i'll get a yelling. but since, either way, i get a yelling, i see no point in being considerate anymore. i'll just blast music through the entire house, that'll perhaps indicate something. that i'm not watching tone-deaf people, with a very very bad sense of rhythm singing and dancing on stage, as you so endearingly call it. yar. that'll be loads better than trying to argue my point to you, since you'll just turn around and attack saying that you're scolding me for my own good [and the good of mankind. hey, might as well make it thorough you know.] and it's true that i spend too much time on the comp. well, it's not as if family time's any more constructive. [that is, if we have any.] sheesh. the nerve. fine, you're my parents, you're always right. i rest my case, no point anyway, as if i get a say. and you have the nerve to call me indecisive. sheesh.
ooh... and while i'm at it, let me talk about some people so simply adore my trail, as they endearingly term it. i know i'm supposed to forget about it, but i never forgive 'backstabbers'. fine, my fault. you're just doing it all in self-defence. ha. if that's the criteria you judge a friend by, well, who give a damn about you. sheesh. and the people reading this, you know perfectly fine who you are, first sentence should shatter the bell already, my fault. for wanting all this. you know how long i've waited for this!?!? like i've said, sarcarstic's wasted on the dense, and ignorant. then again, ignorance's bliss. whatever.
oh man. this is soooooooo fun. haven't blogged in such a long time. wakakaka... though i doubt the next entry's coming anytime soon. lardeedar.
sheesh. some people are deaf, i swear they are. and if all everyone's going to do is to just simply ignore what i've said and stuff, i don't see the point of talking at all. whoot. that'll save me a hell lot of saliva. ha.
ah. heck.

hahax.

2005-11-29T04:31:00.000-08:00

hahax. i'm in taiwan now. yays. lol. though i haven't been blogging for a very long time now. haha. damn. i miss tenimyu. awwwww... and i miss my brudders too. dammit. two weeks passed kinda quickly. though i would say that i would have much more fun if people whom i actually can um... hang out with. okay. i think i'm gonna be at the receiving end of a lot of bashing. but who cares. it's a fact. i really cannot stand some people at some times. argh. lol. i think i'm suffering from tenimyu withdrawal. sighs. okay. i guess taiwan's kinda fun, shopping and that kind of stuff, and i'm spending money like mad. my parents are going to kill me. and the worst thing is, my discman chose to die on me now. argh, i want my music!! wah... so long never listen to tenimyu songs liao. i think i will suffer from a very, very severe case of withdrawal soon.
i was kinda traumatised when i took a look at some screens of kime's most recent concert. can't believe how femine he's become, though i think he's lost weight. yep. haha. i was really, really kinda traumatised. and that's saying something. [even though someone might tend to say otherwise]. lol. so fun. haha.
can't wait to watch on3. haha.
kay.

thankyoubrudders!

2005-11-08T00:45:00.000-08:00

drama nite over. i'm really kinda amazed how it just simply flew past and there goes our last school-organized class event. anyway, main thing is that i really want to thankyou all you niners for making the first half of my life in this school so enjoyable and wonderful and ... argh. just can't find a word to describe it. it's just this fluffy, fuzzy feeling you get inside you... 'rathi, flora, thanks for the letter[s], they were really wonderful. the reason i didn't want you to give before drama nite was cos i was really afraid that i would cry... and most of the class would cry.. haha. glad we didn't tho. but it was really damn touching. thankyou for all the tremendous effort you guys have put in to make this drama nite a success for us. i'll really miss you brudders [and sisters]... oh. and peiqi, really sorry for messing up your hair... don't kill me. wahh! heh. figures that i had to leave a mark before i leave. but really, i will go hysterical if i happen to land up in the same class as 'rathi or darsh. not that it's a bad thing, but i think even jinxes have their limits. though i guess i'm stuck with eileen till either of us happen to move away... lol.
frankly speaking, i cannot imagine being in another class next year, with somewhat new faces. sure, we might bond, but i will never forget the unforgettable experience of being part of 209'05. thankyou darlings for making this experience such a wonderful one. keep in touch kay. like what chelsia mentioned, year 2009, after our a levels, we will have a class party kay? -muahx- love ya all. following song dedicated to you all... [dun worry, it's not by kime. hah.]

arigato

hikoku nagareteru
amagumo wa tookunatte
machi wa sukoshizutsu
ochizuki wo tonimodoshiteku

toki ga sugite
wakatte kita koto
sukoshi wa arukeredo
madamada itsudatte
kotae wo sagashiteiru

kitto umaku yareru kara shinpainaisa
[kitto umaku yarerusa shinpainaisa]
sonna koe ga kikoetekisoude
soba ni iru to sunao ni narenaikedo
[soba ni iru to sunao ni naranaikedo]
itsuka kitto iitainda

arigato

kaze ga yuruyaka ni
kisetsu wo hakondekite
minna sukoshizutsu
kokoro ga zawameki hajimeteru

kyou ichi nichi
aremo koremo shiyou!
maiasa omottemo
nakanaka kenjitsu wa
yotei wa mitei no mama

motto umakuyareru kara mondai naisa
[sousa umakuyarerusa mondai naisa]
nanto daku wa konashiterukedo
hanareteru mo sunao ninareru kigashita
[hanaretetemo sunao ni naranaikedo]
itsuka kitto iitainda

arigato

toki ga sugite
wakatte kita koto
sukoshi wa arukeredo
madamada itsudatte
kotae wo sagashiteiru

kitto umaku yareru kara shinpainaisa
[kitto umaku yarerusa shinpainaisa]
sonna koe ga kikoetekisoude
soba ni iru to sunao ni narenaikedo
[soba ni iru to sunao ni naranaikedo]
itsuka kitto iitainda

arigato

sr samurai disc 2 track 2. it's a really nice song. anyone who wants the song can get from me. kays. nites.

i love you brudders.

2005-10-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

i love you all brudders! we rock no matter what others may think/say. oh. and i love you all too, sisters. haha. yesterday was rather emotional... anyway, that doesn't matter now, the main thing was that we had fun, and still are.
i will miss 20905. this two years were really great and thankyou darlings for being there and leaving this legacy together. we rock forever! yep.
i guess we were all rather disappointed not getting into drama night and all as the top four, but the main thing is that we're now in a league of our own. we're invited to perform. let's do it for ourselves and make them regret not letting us in! haiz. damn. shouldn't bring this up. nevermind. we will have fun and show them that not getting into the top four doesn't affect us at all. who gives a damn about what others think anyway. zhi3 yao4 gao1 xing4 jiu4 hao3. haiz.
i think i might consider killing cynthia. after she stops teaching of course. how could she just say that she's gonna stop teaching by the end of the year and leave the class to me!? dammit. i'm not ready. then again, i don't think i ever will be. i mean, my standard's not there at all and i've been pon-ing training like there's no tomorrow ever since god knows when. and she expects me to teach them all and have them all pass their gradings. granted that west cc's standard's really pure crap, but that's besides the point. i take back my words about killing her. i shall torture her first. -insert evil laughter here-
i shall proudly announce that i temporarily lost my voice this morning. i'm surprised that i only lost my voice this morning, considering all the screaming on netball carn, the rehearsals and screaming my head off at the annoying brats at starlight. haha. gave my father quite a shock. lol. anyway, it was fun.
rock on brudders. i love you forever! -muahx-

oh tutti.

2005-10-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

dammit. i seriously can't stand it. i can't stand the condesending tone so many used. i'm not that unaware okay. [even if i may happen to act otherwise] i seriously cannnot stand it.
2nd day back and she's already screaming her lungs out. please woman, relax. you don't have to behave as if the whole world's against you and stuff okay. yar sure, i'm infuriating. but you don't have to start pushing whatever blame at me. and you have no right to call me irresponsible, especially when you have no idea what is happening.
i really cannot stand you anymore okay. sure, you're young, people should rang4 you and stuff, but don't abuse that priviledge can. i don't know how many times i helped you with this and that and let you do this and that first, only to have you turn back and bite me [not literally of course, though sometimes nearly]. oh. what gratitude. i feel so touched. [sense the sarcarsm my dears] sometimes i wonder the point of even trying to be nice to you.
fine. i know i suck, i know i'm a bloody big mistake and failure. you don't have to rub it in okay. i really think nothing i ever do will ever be correct. nothing that i've ever done is enough, or up to your standard, so i don't think anything else that i may happen to do in the future will ever be. i really feel like stop trying altogether. i'm sorry for not being perfect. baka. being such a failure, i guess i shouldn't be surprised that i don't happen to seem to be able to fit in anywhere, at all. lol. what a loser i am. ha.

blah.

2005-10-02T21:25:00.000-07:00

i feel so sadded. inet is down, and i really want to get that history ppt. don't ask why. i think it's got something to do with reading the history textbook plus notes three times already. it kinda get on your nerves after a while. 14 more days to mug. argh. i dont' believe. but i guess it is better than cramming everything last minute. -coughcoughlastyearcoughcough-
can't believe how young moriyama looked in waterboys. not that he looks old now larh. but then again, he looks kinda -coughcoughmaturecoughcough- nowadays with his hair combed down. i think i prefer him in momo's hairstyle. lardeedar.
finished another kime wallpaper. i think i'm going nuts. anyway, i'm kinda shocked that jess actually said that the songs i recommended [X-Japan, Kimeru, etc etc.] are actually nice. i don't mean the X-Japan part, but rather the Kimeru part. i wonder if she got to see how kime looks like. haha.
i'm so pissed with myself. i can't believe that i actually lost the website with that really helpful css template for my layout. so i guess maybe i'll forsake mugging tomorrow to do e-portfolio. it's not as if i'll be in the mood to mug anyway. but then again, i'm never in the mood to mug. oh well. but then, i think it's due on before the eoys. dammit. i'm never going to finish it.
argh. i'm so gonna fail chem and geog. i mean, bokbok's haven't even taught us anything yet. and she's gonna give us a formative. =.= we're not genius you know. and i insist that segarra can't teach. his voice's sleep inducing. argh. i'm so gonna fail.
ack. have to go. maybe i'll come back later, post some wallpapers. haha. i'm bored. seriously. i hate mugging, when there's no food involved. i'm gonna turn into a pig if this continues.

.

2005-09-27T21:10:00.000-07:00

thou has decided to start a graphic webbie. these stuff's funn!! for the time being. maybe i shall put some here. cos i want to clear as much space in my comp for the time being as possible...
bao zi's wallpaper

goodbye... thankyou...

2005-09-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

well. i guess it's over. for some reason, i seem perfectly okay with this. argh. who am i kidding. i'm not okay with this, not really. i don't know. but for some reason, things just suddenly feel very heavy. i guess maybe it's because they won't be here anymore. i don't have anything to hide under anymore. it just feels so weird, kinda empty. i'm kinda surprised that there weren't much tears. alright i admit that the tears did threaten to come a couple of times, but i didn't cry. don't ask why. i don't know myself. sometimes i really think i'm an insensitive bastard, but that's besides the point. i think i must have really looked like an idiot on the bus on the way home. i was crying. don't ask why. i don't know. although i have to admit, my memories are kinda fuzzy... [i think i'm getting old.] time just seem to pass too quickly.

2005-09-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

damn you woman. can't you try really look at things from other people's perspective, instead of screaming and yelling at whatever goes against what you say. could you give more of a damn about what other people might be thinking/feeling. sometimes people do things because they really have a reason. you don't just yell because i happen not to be able to do what you want me to do at the moment. i know you have your frustrations, but so do i.

.

2005-09-15T22:35:00.000-07:00

i've had enough already. i'm sorry, okay. i'm sorry for not being perfect. i'm sorry for being such a failure. i'm sorry okay. it's not as if i'm having the heck of a time in school either. sometimes i can't help but wonder if i'm really alone. being daoed in school is bad enough already okay, you don't have to continue shaking your head and reminding me what a failure i am. i can take a bloody hint woman. i'm really sick of this. from everything you've said, the only attitude that you'll consider proper would be if i happen to go on a permenant mugging spree. oh the joy. it's not as if i'm permenantly fixing my eyes on the comp. for your information, and in case you didn't notice, which i'm sure you didn't, i've not touch the fricking comp for at least two to three days already. all i did was to go online to check my e-mail and this is what i get. i don't know what to do to make you happy anymore. i'm sick and tired of this.
sometimes i never wonder why i don't feel like going home when others are whining and complaining about wanting to go home. i don't know, i just feel as if i can't be myself in this pathetic excuse of a supposedly happy and warm place. i know you guys are much better off without me. this whole thing's just fucking hilarious. lol. i don't think i'll ever get accepted if they happen to know what i really feel like, what i really am like. dammit. am i screwed or what?
some people i hate, for a reason too. i'm half tempted to block these particular people. hmm... maybe i shall. i know i may seem like a brat but i'm really sick about all of this already. if you're going to dao me, i see no point in maintaining any form of contact, since you're never gonna use it anyway. also, the same applies for the few certain who never seem to be able to inform me regarding anything i may happen to need to know or do. particularly when it comes to project work. i'm going to change all my contact numbers, block these few people and see if they still can inform me stuff last minute. it's not that i'm that ji4 jiao3, but it's really very irritating and frustrating when i have to cheong last minute work just because you happen to conveniently forget to inform me something. i'm sick and tired of this. i hate my life. bleah.
okay, speaking about daoing and last minute stuff, this certain person comes into mind. i mean, i ask you something, you don't know just say don't know larh, don't need to just like turn your head and ignore me without even saying a single thing. lol. if i happen to talk about these stuff, i'll have loads to talk about, but then again, it's not as if i'm perfect myself. so thou shan't be a hypocrite. shit. just reminded myself of my screwed up position.
dammit. i suck. enough said.
i don't know why, but things are just getting worse. i don't know. but it's either i start daoing her first, or she's just plain daoing me. i'm sure if she happen to know, she'll deny the latter. yar. i mean, i know we've got our own circle of friends and stuff, but sometimes she's just plain ordering me around, or at least that's how i'm feeling. argh. human relations are just so complicated. bleah.
dammit. for some reason, philo and jubilation's stuck in my head. not a very good combi if you ask me. haha. death penalty's such a big fat irony. like what that certain person's mentioned [thou shalt refrain from mentioning her name. i'm pissed you see.] it's used to teach people the importance and preciousness of life, by killing people. i don't know. most of the focus during debates of such issues, more of the concerns are on the 'victim'. what about the person who's supposed to do the actually killing? i don't know, but look at all the 'examples' of euthanasia i've found in anime. it all seems rather unfair to the 'killer'. but of course, since they're normally part of the plot, it could always be used to make the audience sympatise and relate to the hero/heroine[s] of the story better. i mean. yar. main characters always have to go through trials and tribulations and the best are those in which they suffer. -sadistic laugh- well, that's generally how it goes. but somehow, it still seems very unfair. argh. it's either i'm an insensitive bastard, or that i'm over emotional.
speaking about anime, i still can't believe i nearly cried towards the end of wolf's rain. okay. so it was the manga, but that's besides the point. but really, it was very tragic, though it's a happy ending, unlike the anime. but for some reason, it just feels more melancholic. i mean, if according the manga, paradise can be built based on one's beliefs and strengths, with the hope of all the people out there, why is paradise so difficult to reach? is the flower maiden, which many have died for really necessary to reach paradise? dammit. the series' just too tragic.
death is so overrated. okay. that was random. but why do we debate over so many issues when a human life is concern? what about the countless chickens and of course many other animals we slaughter everyday? do we even spare a thought about them? is death really that scary? i guess it is natural to fear the unknown. but honestly, death is overrated. not meaning to sound offensive, but i mean, i guess that's why there are religions. even if they may seem different, they're all actually trying to solve the mystery after death. okay. maybe not that, they're all trying to give an explanation regarding what is after death. i don't know. maybe that's why i don't really have much faith. -slaps self- they go againts my logic. sorry if anyone happens to find this offensive. i really didn't mean anything. it's all my musings. yar. but i admit, it is kinda sad if a person really do not have anything to believe in. haha. don't i just rock.

i did say that i'm going to post pics for every post [i think]. anyway. this one's currently stuck in my AIC. let's hope mrs. yap doesn't decide to collect it anytime soon. haha. lol. piggy-poo used to be so skinny then. i swear kime's developing boobs.

..

2005-09-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

受不了。真得受不了。就这么毕业了。网王舞台剧没有kime的笑容，怎么想也都感觉怪怪的。嗨。kime的不二太入人心了啦。waaah... 太想他们了... 真难相信就这么毕业了。就这么毕业了。才刚演了51，52，DL1st，53， 54，SP就毕业了。心痛啊。好恨MMV... 就这么让他们毕业了。柳跟DD不是很孤单... 最惨的是，DD也毕业了。怎么可以这样。现在青学正选里，就只剩柳一个人了。好可怜... 受不了。不要紧。只要我们家丸子还在就行了。小英真好可爱！！哈哈。还是不爽，就这么毕业了。DD好不容易，终于看得较顺眼了，就毕业了。不爽。新的正选，除了不二和部长之外，怎么一个长得比一个难看。太损形象了。好怕，不敢看54。不过，还没下完，所以，应该还能多活几天。真怕看了之后，不是吐血，就是吐血。好想念原来的正选，kime那色色的笑容，papa... 反正就是看新的正选不顺眼就对了啦。恨啊。就这么毕业了。-大哭-

scarred

2005-09-10T19:45:00.000-07:00

i'm scarred for life. enough said. the rest i can stand... inui actually looks natural in a dress... but tezuka... -chokes-

bleah.

2005-09-10T14:05:00.000-07:00

s'been a long time since i last blogged. haha. okay. scratch that. mood's far from laughing.
i seriously don't want to ruin my first entry from since such a long time ago on a pissed mood, but the fact remains that i'm really pissed. you know, sometimes i really doubt i belong anywhere at all. okay. so maybe you guys don't really want to be in a group with me, but it's not as if i have anything to say to it. in case you didn't notice, we were the only ones left. okay. so even if you didn't want me in the group, it doesn't give you a freaking reason to exclude me from the discussion, which happens to be the only discussion we're going to have. what about the stuff i've researched on? and before anyone mistakes me for a whiney brat that wants attention, let me justify that i had no freaking idea at all that the bloody discussion's gonna take place at all. and you have the nerve to just come online, ask me if i have the freaking file, which i obviously don't, inform me that i wasn't online for the discussion when i had no freaking clue that there's gonna be one, and make it sound as if it's my fault. okay. maybe i should have asked, since they're always going ignorance is no excuse and yadda yadda, but you could at least be more courteous and inform me. there's always lost sheeps out there not in tune with society because society decides to exclude them you know. what really pisses me is that, it's not the first time. last time i've been in the same group as you, i get excluded again. look at maths. i rest my case. most of the time, i just find stuff dumped at me. next time, anything happen to not get done because soome people happen to conveniently forget to inform, it's not my fault. i fail to see the point of going on msn or having a handphone if this continues. i'm seriously pissed.
damn. and there i was saying that i'm not gonna let that bother me too much. oh well. i kinda really hate mmv at the moment. sure, i guess we do have to thank them for introducing tenimyu in the first place, but why? why do they have to change the freaking cast? what's wrong with the old seigaku regulars. i miss them... waaaaah. shiozawa hidemasa is so adorable. but there's really not a lot of pics of him out there... oh well... yepp. here's a pic of him:

he's just sooooo adorable. okay. maybe not that adorable in this one.

how's this one? haha. he's just too adorable. lol. he acted as mizuki in tenimyu. oh. and he appeared in waterboys, tv drama oso. but only a minor role. awwwwww.. -sniffles- lol. okay. i seriously think i'm obsessed...

.

2005-08-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

honestly, i know that you're frustrated and stuff, but can you not vent it out on me? okay i know i sound really selfish saying that. sometimes i really, honestly don't know some stuff or it did happen to slip my mind. so can you go easy on the degrading comments? last time i checked, i'm human too. [surprise! surprise!] i know you don't exactly have the best temper on earth, hence there'll be times when you lose your temper. hey guess what? so do i. but the thing is, sometimes i can get really hurtful okay. not that you care. sometimes i really wonder. if one day i happen to go missing [touch wood], will you care. hell. will you even notice?
the thing is, who doesn't want to get good grades and be good at everything and stuff? sure, i may act as if i don't give a fuck about it, but do you really think i don't care? sometimes i just find it fucking ironic. what can i say, i'm just loveable.
been watching the ending of season one of magic knight rayearth. really. it's such an obvious case of euthanasia. i must be really idiotic to not spot it. either that or i'm just too dense sometimes. but in this case, is it euthanasia 'right'? i mean, on one hand, it's just because she fell in love, something that happened to be forbidden to her. is it right to request death just because you feel as you've sinned just because of a slight loss of control over one's emotions? but on the other hand, if she doesn't, the entire world of cephiro can just say byebye. and before anyone accuses me of utilitarianism, she's a willing participant. also, is it fair on the 'magic knights'? what about them? shit. philo's really getting to me.
i just love akazukin cha cha. it's just too hilarious for words. and i finally found a self-loving bastard who's worse than atobe. sheez. he isn't even decent looking can. lol. anyway, it's a nice and heartwarming show. highly recommended. fine it may be a kiddy show from ages ago [i think it was already quite old when i first came across it in p2] but it is nice. though quite cliched at some places perhaps. but worth a try. -smiles- haha. but thing is, i have like around 60% more to go. yay me.

YAY...

2005-08-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

lardeedar. dream live 1st done. so interesting. but the thing is, can't watch it yet. kept my promise about not touching maths. lardeedar. keeping my fingers crossed.
kime looks super short in that suit of his. damn. that image of him wearing pyjamas, sprawled across the floor just can't seem to get out. disturbing... -shivers- lol.
now waiting for tenimyu4 to finish downloading. got to like around 20% liddat. hehe... i really think i'm kinda obsessed. -dotz-
yar. magic knight rayerath finished, both season one and two. haha. now, the main thing is to find the time to watch it. which reminds me, i haven't finish watching wolf's rain yet.
cuzzie dearest was seriously recommending naruto to me. though i have to admit, i'm kinda skeptical about it. hmm. might be worth a try...haha. but must wait till i finish wolf's rain, magic knight rayearth, tenipuri, tenimyu, akazukin cha cha first. wait long long. -dotz-
hmm... i really feel like taking her suggestion and printing kime-chan on a t-shirt. lol. haha. wonder how many people i'll traumatize wearing it and walking along the streets. -hysterical- i don't think flora's gotten over kime yet. sanqian's scarred her quite badly. she didn't think about giving her some mental prep. lol. really sorry, flora. though i think this is kinda overdued. oh well. who cares. =D

.

2005-08-17T22:26:00.000-07:00

yay. reaching 70% for dream live 1st. yay. 5 plus more hours left to go. if the internet connection holds, of course.
argh dammit. i'm gonna fail lit, at the rate i'm going. bokbok has got the nerve to say that we don't face as much stress cos we're tested a little by little. that's what you think. sheesh. can't stand her. ack. and they say that sec2's the most enjoyable year. i really dread to think how the next few year'll be like. lol.
argh. can't stand it. dammit.

arrrrrgh.

2005-08-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

i am so going to fail chem. has anyone seen that frigging website segarra gave us on that worksheet? it's basically all text with no graphics whatsoever. argh. can't concentrate... can't stand it.
contemplating changing me bgmusic, yet again. don't know why. i guess grand slam is just too nice. ^_^ but i still like this bgmusic. traumatising enough. yar. anyway, why is that song called grand slam. it sounds more like a basketball themed song than something from tenipuri. blah.
haha. dream live 1st is 54.6% done. can't wait to watch that few pics about kikumaru eating sundaes. not the pics cos i've already got the screens but i'm more interested as to what's it about the expressions between the two. why such looks. lol. anyway, yanagi seriously make a better ryoma. his eyes are big enough, he's short enough, and he looks retarded enough wearing that cap. 'nuff said.

...

2005-08-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

if anyone finds the bgmusic traumatising, s'not my fault. lol. I'm always winner from tenimyu. newest obsession here. haha.
still feeling kinda guilty for exposing flora to kime-chan. lol. -hysterical- he's a gender of his own. =D

.

2005-08-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

for SOME reason, i think everyone's pissed at me at home. can't stand it. they're snapping at me for the smallest reasons.
this is another of those times when i think that they'll do better off without me. argh.

bleah.

2005-07-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

i realised that i've got chao bad timing. i know this might be ages ago, but i didn't really bother to blog about it... lol. haha. i was happily ATTEMPTING to download hmc osts. realised that bitcomet couldn't connect to it for some reason. requested it on 7th heaven. got the link only to find that i've managed to download it after all... bleah. so i've downloaded hmc osts twice. bleah. haha. sometimes i really suck. anyway. for some reason, some of the tracks sound very familiar.. lol.
decided that sadame might not be a very good bgmusic after all. changing to sophie's castle frm the hmc soundtrack. i shall repeat again, NO BANDWIDTH STEALING!! if only geocities would allow me to upload it... argh.

2005-07-21T20:50:00.000-07:00

dammit. i suck.
buden she's so nice larh.
there's a reason sometimes i just don't feel like going back at all. it can get very suppressing. what's it about all these expectations. can't a girl just live with some moments of peace and quite. there is a reason why i like time outside even though it usually means no usage of the comp. there's a reason why i don't really talk much to them. i guess it's just that i know they'll never accept me for what i really am like.
sometimes, i really hate my life.
dammit. i suck.

.

2005-07-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

i'm really sorry for the bad attitude okay. but in case you haven't noticed, i'm really busy with school work right now and distracting me is never a good idea. is just like when you're busy with something and i happen to have something to ask you liddat. it's not a good idea. if you're so against that idea, then just say so. i don't really diedie have to go. please look at things from my view for once. please. i'm sure it won't hurt you a lot. really sorry for the poor/bad attitude. but really, i'm very pissed with certain people's attitude and stuff so i'm not exactly a very happy girl as i'm sure you can tell. i never meant any disrespect or anything. but i'm really not in a very good mood to entertain anyone currently. so sorry okay?

2005-07-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just can't stand how screwed up life is. i'm sorry if i can't make you happy. i'm never good with words. sorry if i make you feel unwelcomed, unliked. i never mean to. i just can't seem to get the words. and sometimes, i really hate myself for that. numerous apologies that i'm supposed to give, all just stuck there. i'm never good with words. i'm really sorry.
the thing is, i know you'll most probably never read this. i hate life. human relations are so complicated. sometimes i would think it's better to be alone. i'm really sorry. maybe we should both work on it. dammit. this has been said countless times. but everytime, i just seem to lose it. i'm sorry. really sorry.

bleah.

2005-07-18T19:35:00.001-07:00

sometimes i think the world hates me. not that i'm likeable in the first place.
damn. shouldn't choose gravity to listen to. it's really getting kinda depressing... bleah.
not that she's said anything, but i can tell that she's getting very pissed with me. yar. dammit.
i just suddenly felt like crying today. the class can be so supportive. i'm sorry for producing noise that can give ummu choo's drones a run for money. i'm sorry. really. but if you have a lot of negative feelings to them, you can put them in a more subtle way you know. i'm sorry for being such an utter failure. i'm sorry. damn. i'm thinking too much.
eeh... need to change music. wait. yay. brighter song. yar. open up you mind. it sounds sad today. nevermind. bleah.
like i said, the class can be just so friggin supportive and -- at times. i still want to live, thankyou very much. i know there's people who can't take a bit of critism. sorry if i happen to offend anyone. i know i have no right to actually say such things since i'm just basically a nobody. but i need to get some things off my chest. i know i'm most probably being very selfish. and i know some of you might be thinking that i am very selfish. but i dont' care anymore. i seriously need a break. i'm sorry if anyone's affected by my mood swings. i blame lack of sleep. yar.
shit. ouym's tune's getting rather depressing. don't ask why. it just is. and i'm sleepy... but still got maths assignment + geog pt. ack. i hate it. why did i ever consider raffles when i obviously know that i don't have the standard. argh.
staring at the wilted rose right now. (sorry!) just can't help but feel the same way at times. prolly just another figment of my teenage angst. bleah. i'm an attention craver. ha.
sincerely hope that pe will be super crap tomorrow again. cos i seriously don't feel like doing any sports. i just want to take strolls around the track. wah -cries- dammit.
suddenly feel like mutilating something. blah.

...

2005-07-11T22:45:00.000-07:00

gendou's got me really worried today. cos under the donation thingie, it was glowing red. have yet to figure out why, but i'm seriously worried... perhaps i shall stick to torrent files and mp3 rotation webbies for the time being... -.- heh. really enjoyed the watermelon today. thank goodness me mum didn't bring home a watermelon today...
just found this chao nice ff music torrent file with the most complete archive of ff songs so far. yar. but it's lyk 6+ gig worth of files. hm... maybe i should download an album by an album. bit comet seems to allow that... only i wonder if it works.. hmm.. downloading hmc osts now. can't wait. =D heck larh. canNOT believe i actually finished the maths pt. lardeedar.
oh yar. to me darling batchmates. NO bandwidth stealing. it can get very irritating, especially when the bandwidth exceeds. in that case, no one can hear anything. haven't found out what's the bandwidth for geocities so far, but i'm very very very sure that there's a limit. good things don't come free. anyway. the main point is do NOT direct link the file cos tt's bandwidth stealers and i can get very irritated with bandwidth stealers.

favvie songs

2005-07-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

realised i'm really addicted to some songs...

X/1999

yakusoku [kamui/fuuma]
don't know why, maybe cos i can actually sing to it. for some reason, the english translation of the lyrics reminded me of some things that arathi writes.

sadame
it's just nice okay? and it sounds so damn grand and heartwarming. esp the scenes in the anime this song accompanies.

tada hitotsu no nozomi
it's just nice. and some parts oso rather grand and heartwarming. so basically, same reason as sadame, except this song's more peaceful

Prince of Tennis

wonderful days
tune's catchy and it sounds so happy. and i just like it. besides, it seems to fit just nice as a ringtone.

ometto samba
very very very very very very very very cute. 'nuff said

birthday
it's just too heartwarming to put in words. besides, the tune's catchy.

you got game
errrrrrrrrrr... i seem to get enough of this a little already. seeing kimeru's se smile whenever you hear this song can do this to a person. but it's nice larh. don't let what i said deter you. i just watched too much prince of tennis musical. that's all...

we love seigaku
same reason as ometto samba

Hikaru no Go

days
very sad. alright, it doesn't sound sad. but the lyrics are really very sad, i saw the translations. besides, it's amazing how popish they can make a sad song sound. it's nice larh.

boku no bouken
very nice. don't ask why. it just is. first hikaru no go song i've heard. watermelon gave it to me.

D.N.Angel

true light
perhaps got something to do with the fact that it's heartwarming too. i just like it, okay. besides, the piano score for the piano version's challenging.

Saiyuki

open up your mind
very heartwarming also. but doesn't really strike me as something out of saiyuki. oh wells as long as it's nice.

Magic Knight Rayearth

garon taiyo dayo
another weird interest of mine. might have something to do with the fact that it sounds very un-clef. i like ooc songs for some reason...

Wolf's Rain

gravity
very very nice tune. and it sounds so sad. i need the occasional break from heartwarming.

tell me what the rain knows
tune's not as nice as compared to gravity, but it's still nice. and it sounds very sad too.

of course there's the songs by joe hisaishi. like mononoke hime, spirited away, howl's moving castle, etc.

don't know why i decided to have such a post. i just did.

..

2005-07-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

damn you asshole. is a little bit of consideration that hard to get? i mean, yar i'm sorry if i'm delaying sending the fucking thing to you, but could you at least be online during the time i'm supposed to send it. you know, that way, maybe you could at least inform me earlier if anything gets screwed up? you're not the only one that can go out you know. and please. refer to the tables. what fucking tables. in case you didn't notice, that fucking html file you attached had no fucking thing in it. i'm sorry if i'm not exactly the most efficient person on this earth but then again, you aren't exactly considerate either. fine. it's all my fucking fault, blame it on me then. if we fail it, complain to her. and in case you didn't notice either, most of the stuff this time round was, ' oh, we'll give these stuff for her to do and let's just tell her that she needs to do it without asking her whether she's okay with it at all.' and please, the way you tell me that i have to do it, it's as if you're expecting me to be... argh. nevermind. i doubt you'll read this anyway so i guess there's no point. just need to get it out. damn you asshole. i bet even if you happened to read this, you wouldn't know that it's you i'm talking about here anyway. argh. why am i even bothering.

screw all those pts. i'm just going to fail this year without giving a fucking care. and i have half the mind to unplug the internet connection and stop all the phones so that people like them have no choice but to tell me when they need me to do something. that'll show them. i'm royally pissed.

...

2005-07-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

three entries in one day!! whoot!. anyway, this'll be a really short one. i was just reading my older entries. i sound so different... bleah. january seemed like such a long time ago.

ack.

2005-07-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

okay, i know i just blogged, but i feel like doing so again. =D besides, it's my blog. dammit. sometimes i just can't stand some things. i don't know why do i still bother trying to explain things when they never seem to make any difference. as in, i just feel like this extra thing sticking out. i see no point in a lot of things that i'm trying to do just so that we might be able to get along better. who doesn't want to be happy? who wants to feel left out? i mean, i just don't think that i'll get accepted for what i really am like. sometimes i really find it frickingly hilarious. relations are just too complicated.
got back from another bout of saiyuki fics. goku is so nice to bully. ^.^> i feel mean.
and RYOMA IS SHORTER THAN ME!!! muahahahaha... okay... that was really sad. heh. but i just can't help but gloat over this fact. wahaha... i think i'm disillusioned. oh wells. wahaha. hahahahah... just got the sudden urge to start laughing. dammit. i get high at the wrong times.
sheesh. no need to speak to me with that voice all the time. i know you've got a lot of things on your mind and stuff, but care to be a wee bit more gentle? i know i'm being selfish with all my requests and stuff [not that you ever read them...] but hey, i have feelings too [though i have to question that at times...]
you know, sometimes, biting comments from others, however joking it may seem, hurt. especially when you have a few ganged up against you. bleah. somehow got her mad at me, again. so someone so small [i question this too.], she sure has got a lot of air in her. i mean is like, some things you have to do yourself larh. you cannot always depend on others. and you cannot also get angry with others just because they are doing something and do not have the time to help you. you know how selfish that is? and how hurting some of the things you say are? not that you give a damn anyway. not that any of you give a damn about me anyway. i'm just another selfish bastard out to make this world more horrible than it already is. isnt' that what you think?
realised that i'm stuck in a house filled with people who's been the youngest amongst their siblings. that's me life i guess. not to make myself sound like some self-sacrificial hero or what-the-shit. but it's a fact. and it can really get super irritating cos sometimes, they just have to have their way. bleah.
you know, sometimes, i know it's unintentional [is it?], when you accuse me of being wrong and stuff, you can fucking watch what comes rolling out of that trap of yours?? i know this sounds rude, but i really need to get it out. i mean, sometimes, you just have to insist and insist, and you don't even listen to what i might have to say. not that it would matter or that you would believe anyway. but at least give others slightly a bit more thought can? i'm really sick and tired of things.
fortunately, you only get one shot at life, or at least from my point of view. i shan't continue that train of thought cos i guess it might be a bit offensive to some who might be reading this.
final decision, i shall NOT get a tag-board. ignorance is bliss. nuff said. =D Anyway, i'm still pissed off.

bleah.

2005-07-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

been watching prince of tennis musical over and over again. now it's stuck in my head so bad that i can't listen to 'you got game' without kimeru's super se smile flashing in my head over and over again... bleah. and that first song's stuck in my head too. which is really bad cos it is super spasticated. don't ask me why i even bothered to watch it again, i just did. anyway, it's really kinda cute larh. though that guy they got to act as ryoma's really retarded, especially when he starts facing the audience and starts singing. as if ryoma in the anime isn't retarded enough. and that guy acting as inui, he looks really different without the hairdo and the specs. anyway, it's nice in a rather demented way, at least in my opinion. =D

The four tore their packages, though Tezuka used his fingernails to peel the tape away to avoid damaging the paper. Laughter rang through the room as people saw that Akazawa had somehow pulled out a leopard print thong.
His face flushed brilliantly as he tried to hide it, but it was too late. Everyone had seen it, and half the room was in hysterics. "Model it, buchou!" Yanagisawa called out.
"I doubt it would fit," Mukahi said from across the room from where he was leaning against Oshitari's knees.
"It's a small."Akazawa looked like he was about to lunge across the room to throttle Hyotei's famed acrobatic player, but Atobe merely laughed. "I hope my present is better." On finding a box of tampons, he turned to look at Mizuki with uncanny instinct. "Very funny."
"I figured that with all the mood swings that people who would be attending here had, it would probably go to someone who use it. I can't think of someone better suited to it," he said.Atobe glanced at Kabaji.
"Kabaji."Kabaji rose to his feet.
"Uso."Mizuki cringed as the huge second year approached him.
"No violence!"Tezuka sighed, but opened his present next, and was relieved to find it only had a package of socks. "Thanks."

Taken from Christmas Spirits by Aishuu from Fanfiction.net

damn. i was hoping tezuka would get something more interesting. =D -evil laughter- but then again, i think all fanfic writers are sadistic in one way or another... i guess the characters have no choice but to submit to their fate. -aska like laugher- is it me, or are rabid fangirls always introduced at some point or another in a certain series? =P

wahahaha...

2005-06-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

wahahaha.... just got a sense of accomplishment cos i figured out a way to host my bgmusic. but in case you can't hear anything, try and give geocities webbies a check. i think it might be cos it's down. dammit. i would love geocities to bits, if it wasn't for the down time they experience. anyway, i guess i should just be grateful that i managed to find a place where i get free music hosting, even though it isn't mp3. ooh. and warning to all bandwidth stealers out there, do NOT steal my bandwidth. i would hate if something happened... -innocent look- anyway, i feel so accomplished, for finally getting the music hosting right. yay.

ironies...

2005-06-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

trust is a mutual thing okay. if you don't trust me at all, give me a reason why i should trust you. all you make is assumptions, thinking you're correct. but what do you really know? do you know what's bothering me at the current moment? do you know how i feel? [not that you give a damn anyway] you think you know me, but do you really? sometimes i cease to see the point of having human relations. it just complicates matter in life. you claim to know all the things in life and blah blah blah. cos you've gone through them. but helloo... times change, people change, ring any bells?? okay. then again, not that you've ever give a damn about what i say or what i think. most of the times, you just use that condesending tone and expect me to listen and actual follow what you say. i just seem to get the impression that you just simply look down on me. you never think that i'll ever be good enough. i can tell... you know, so what if the culture i have been influenced with is 'low'? it does not actually give you the right to look down on me. and blah blah blah human rights and stuff. but the fact that it's you that's looking down on me. don't you think you should at least give me a bit more respect. you pretend to be supportive and stuff, but when it all comes down, can you really accept the person that i am? yar. perhaps in you eyes, i'll forever remain an idiot. after all, aren't everything that you say supposed to be right? and since i'm always contradicting what you're saying, i'm the stupid idiot. sheesh. you can never accept you mistakes. and i'm just too tired to actually argue. let me play the idiot then.

bleah

2005-06-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

i finally managed to find a torrent client that's actually functioning properly for once and i was happily downloading wolf's rain.... when he just shut it down! just like that. ain't he wonderful? sometimes, they really drive me up the wall... [ladies and gentlemen, may i present to you, the amazing, bouncing thingamajig person/thing thingie... let's give her a round of applause...] damn. i was five bucks short to buying that two wolf's rain manga.... argh... i dun believe it. ack. i suck. [...and up she goes, look at how high she is now. i don't believe it...] it's like nine plus and wham! you are to look up on blahblahblah. and i get the feeling that i'll stay up for most of the night trying to figure out what that shit is. i'm not saying that you can't push any work to me or anything, but at least have the decency to inform me earlier. i dun mind if it's like a few days earlier.. cos at least i'll have the time. ack. [bounces up.......... and lands. give her a hand, lady and gentlemen...] i can't believe what f*cking amount of shit respect she's shown. okay. i guess i dun really give a damn about respect or anything at all coming from you, but is like, the basic courtesy.. rings any bells? you don't just dump your things with this person and run off to have your own fun without even sparing a glance back. ack. who cares anyway? i guess what really irks me is that it's her doing it. [...and up she goes again. wouldja look at that! -ooh-...] sometimes i just think i'm this big fat lump of disappointment always sitting in the most obvious corner. i wonder at my point of existence. i mean, they all seem to do perfectly fine without me tagging along. all parts functioning properly. i'm just this spare tyre pulling them down... bleah. and i'm sure they'll, what ever 'they' might happen to be, would function much better if someone else happened to be in my place. so in conclusion, i'm not needed, at all. [...and up again. why, she's nothing but a black dot in the sun now...] dammit. ending of x is darn bloody goosebumpily nice. kamui's speech's around 1 1/2 minute liddat. anyway, it's bloody nice, with sadame in the background... awwwwww... i really need to look for the translation to kamui/fuuma's dialogue mix. i only caught the kamui at the beginning for fuuma's one. (that's the part i always wake up to if i happened to have it as my ringtone) [...ooh that's gotta be painful... she's rammed into the ground... farewell once amazing, bouncing thingamajig person/thing thingie.] anyway, signing off. tata.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

2005-05-30T22:50:00.000-07:00

s'been a long time since i last blogged... yar. but for some reason, i don't really have a lot to say... bleah. the school's getting more and more ridiculous as the days go by. first, there's the mid-years.. oh yar. i forgot. they aren't called mid-years. they're called eois. then there's homework that ain't holiday homework, but it's due right after the hols. erm... what do you call homework due right after the hols? holiday homework. so in other words, it's holiday homework that isn't holiday homework... bleah. ehehehe... eugh. can't stand it sometimes...
argh. i'm so dead. sometimes i just feel that i suck at everything. yar. so what if i can do this, i can do that? it's all just the uber uber basics and i can't even get those clear at times. but if you want me to do something well, i just can't. it's so frustrating. dammit.
anyway, been addicted to the good old snes rpgs. okay. i mean, the graphics aren't what most would exactly call high class and stuff, but the concept's simple to understand, and they're addictive. =P i think i'm like around one quarter through the game. it's sooooo fun... and there's really a lot of fute stuff. sprites are so adorable... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... wahaha... =P eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh... have to go liao... bleah.

wahaha...

2005-05-23T22:39:00.000-07:00

watched star wars episode 3 today with sanqian, i did. heh. think i'm kinda obsessed with the way yoda speaks. it's darn cute, in a sense, larh. and i like his ears... =P yarh. the movie's nice, actually, but some of the dialogue is just damn hilarious ["then you really ARE lost!"]... and many people in denial. =P wahahaha...... got to see sanqian's huachi at it's worst during the ads before the movie... cos that fella happened to appear.... -.- haha... and discovered that the good movies' coming out during either the end of june or july. bleah. unfair. really feel like watching 'the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' looks damn bloody nice larh. and the lion's darn cute.... =P wahaha... changing lyrics soon... wonder what i shall put. anyway, yakusoku's still the nicest to sing. larlarlar... mom's pissed. have to go nightie night =D

wahaha... watermelon

2005-05-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

guess what my family just had... watermelon!!. i don't know why i'm so obsessed with it, but i am. wahaha...
anyway, sometimes i just amaze myself. i don't know. but i used to recall myself as being very very kiasu and stuff when it comes to marks. now is like, i look at people complaining that they're going to get a 3.4 or something gpa and i go huh? i mean, if i'm gonna get a 2.something gpa and not complain or anything about it, i don't see what's the point. er... yar. damn. nothing much to blog liao. hmm. should i play pokemon emerald or go on gendou.com? argh. emerald first larh...... bleah.

blah.

2005-05-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

argh. can't stand it. bleah. realised that yakusoku, no matter whether is kamui or fuuma is actually the same. yar. i'm slow. but the whole time i just though is just same tune, diff character, diff lyrics. even if not that diff buden got a little diff at least in the contents.... buden, i don't know anything about jap. yar. hehehe. but it's a nice song. so sad. 3000 vowed not to sing ometto samba until she finished learning the lyrics. really felt like listening her go dadadadadadadadada...... at the fast parts. really reminds me of a hen laying eggs. i think this might solve the laying eggs part in my nick. =P i think i'm really driving her nuts. wahaha.. i'm just feeling mean to me 3rd mom. yar.
damn. i think tomorrow getting back lit paper. really dreading it. have this feeling that i flunked the paper. ah well. the most next year don't take lit larh. -slaps self- nope. bad attitude... bleah. who cares anyway. my gpa for this semester will be chao low. i'll be glad if i can pass. heck larh. anyway, i don't think i failed any subjects, yet. yar. blahblahblabittyblah. wahahaha.
monkeys, gorilla, chimpanzees...
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just felt like doing that. bleah. eeh. saiyuki theme so grand. awwwwwwwwwww... but sadame still better. i really think i'm kinda obsessed with that song. cos i've been listening to it over and over again for the past one hour. even me sis can remember the tune liao. heh. shall find some free day and watch the ending of x tv over and over again. so goosebumpy. argh. damn nice can. ehehehe... obsession galore. still trying to picture the scene if the shiken happened to be giant scissors.... heh.
errrrrr... yar. twinkle twinkle little stars is chao cute. even though a lot of syncopation, so very weird for some reason. maybe it's just me.
oh yar. wonderful days is nicee oso. -big fat grin- ehehehe... so nice.... wahahaha.... nicee... hehehehehehe.... sadame... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.... wonderful days.... ahahahaha... oops. i'm kinda high. no idea why... wahahahahahahaha... okay. got the urge to print out some lyrics. so... tatas. =P have to start thinking what lyrics to put up next week.... hmm.. maybe wonderful days... nicee... =D

er...

2005-05-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

just told me dad my results... he's taking it better than i am, and better than what i imagine he would. but i get the feeling that he's gonna start ranting tomorrow, or maybe once me mom gets home, she's gonna start ranting... bleah. can't be bothered anyway. i mean, it's all over and it's no use making me feel worse than what i already feel. yar. they won't exactly say what i should do about the current results i'm getting, but i know they're gonna start nagging me to start studying. i know it. ah well. anyway, it's about time i really start studying... i've basically slacked throughout the whole of last year, except for the last minute mugging before eoys. and this year, i've been slacking acedamic wise, not that i did anything constructive for any other aspects. bleah. sometimes i really wonder why i chose to go to this school in the first place. for some reason, ummu choo started mentioning band over and over again during cle. i guess band, in some sense, is a good example of a team, but there's plenty of others out there. so i was busy sweatdropping... yar. no idea why the school is even bothering about leadership skills. i mean, there's only so many leadership positions out there in this wide wide world and there's like goodness knows how many of us. still haven't told them my chinese results. i don't know why. i mean, i've already told them my maths... but i guess being chinese, they will pay more attention to chinese. which happens to be exactly the thing i do not excel in. i'm so bloody wonderful. kay. i think i'm rantin a little. nope. still no emotional outbreaks on my part for my oh so poor marks. maybe i'm just retarded. argh. life's a bitch. though i prolly would have mentioned it in my previous entry...
ooh. me blog's one year anniversary's coming up! .yays. still can remember the period last year when i was blogless. they asked me for me bloggie's url, and i say i just don't have one. awwwwwww... so sad. anyways. i got one. yay. i guess it is good stress relief, but sometimes, it just brings trouble. who knows who might be reading... that's exactly why ignorance is bliss. lardeedar.
they all say that sec2's the best year in one's sec. sch life. to me, this year has been nothing more than screwups and more screwups. everythings one big clump of mess... bleah. but i guess you can never truly appreciate something until it is truly gone. so sad. oh. forgot to congratulate myself on actually finishing my homework for once. that's like my one and only maths assignment handed in on time. -claps- i am so wonderful. managed to persuade to help out on some science thingie on saturday, right after sl. and managed to drag joey and qianwei along. i am good... heh. sometimes i just look back to my primary school days and i just can't help be cringe. i was so ignorant, naive blah, blah and much more you can imagine of a p school kiddie. and sometimes, when i look at kids nowadays, i cringe too. i think i might have been like that... argh. nevermind... anyway, life is full of regrets. ooh. and fate's the bitch, not life. life's just an annoying orang utan that's had too many bananas. it's either that, or it's craving bananas. dont' ask why i came up with that.
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i just did.
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got a problem with that?

bleah.

2005-05-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

Just doesn't seem fair for some reason... I mean, I finally get things settled at home, and then the results come in, and guess what? A very high chance of failing. =D I can just imagine their looks man. Somehow, I find it kinda weird that I haven't started ranting yet.. I look at all the others who got tons better than me. They were there going on and on about getting more marks... Wonder why I'm not amongst them. No offence meant, but I just find the whole thing rather desperate... Ah well. Maybe it's cos I decided that if I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail happily. Wahahaha...Life is such a female doggie... Good girl.... Wahaha.. I'm such a failure. Bleah.
Hmm... there's always net semester though... And I'm getting that sinking feeling that I'm gonna fall sick near the beginning of the term, again. =D Sometime I amaze myself. Eugh. And guess what? Gonna get another class DC. Cos evidently, the same day which we got our first class DC, we got booked, again. Wunnderful. Bwaha. Sometimes, I swear whoever that happen to hold leadership position is EVIL... But really, no offence.. Just putting random thoughts, brain's not exactly functioning properly today. So um... Please don't be offended. I'm sorry if you do. [That sounds sarcarstic for some reason, but I'm not. Honest.] Bleah. Today's RS is so not constructive. Blah. Hm... Life is just unfair. Blah. Nothing more to blog liao... -.- hehheh.

yays new skin...

2005-05-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

Yay. Got a new skin... Quite a nice one oso. Thankyou!! Wahaha... Wanted to change to that of a watermelon one... but decided against it. Thou shalt not be too hard on mother... haha... Whew, dad gave excuse for me to miss piano lesson all the way until we come back from china. Which reminds me, I still haven typed out the excuse letter yet. Blah. Can't believe I'll have to miss 2 band pracs. 1 cos of cip briefing... but that ends at 3.15 so mayb 1/2 a band prac. then got another day is becos of class dc. so fun rite? wahaha....

bwahaha...

2005-05-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

Yay. band break over... So fun. Eeh... actually got things to blog one... Buden can't seem to remember. So sad... Oh yar. was so traumatised by the cosplays we saw yesterday. I mean, how could they do that to Lantis!?!? Waaaaaaaaaaahhhh... Oh well. Anyway, it's just cosplay. The faaaaaaaaaaat Emeraude's really interesting... I can imagine Zagato falling for THAT. And there's this gian Primera oso. Now way Lantis'll not notice that.... =P And the mokonas were super traumatising... -cries- How could anyone do such horrendous things to such a cute and fluffy thing is beyong my comprehension. Blah. I noticed quite a lot of guys cos-ing as female characters... WHY!?!? Oh forget it.. btw, the cosplay of nightmare's here.
Hmm.... hmmmmmmm.... I think I shall put up the translation of Yakusoku [Kamui] today. =P

Yakusoki [Kamui]

From the crevice of my faded memories, I gather my spilling tears
I have dreams that spun dreams, and I always get wounded
Ah, I'll do it over and over again, even if hope for the past is lost
Ah, someday, there should be a shining star

To be embracing this light is
For the sake of the future that you wished for
Because the little promise connects
Our past and present

From the debris of the vanished world, I find my lost heart
There is no place that heals my wounds, but I dream
Ah, I'll do it over and over again, even if there's no end to the darkness
Ah, from here, there should be a starting dream

To not forget that smiling face is
For the sake of the one and only future
Because the little smile connects
This planet's today and tomorrow

The blue sky that you're in
The sea that was born someday
I embrace them, I hurt them
I want to protect them forever

The future that reflects in my eyes is
The star of destiny that I kept on searching for
The bond that overcame the two times
Connects you and I

To be embracing this light is
For the sake of the future that you wished for
Because the little promise connects
Our past and present

Because it connects today and tomorrow

It sounds so Kamui... -.-
Heheh... Couldn't resis that.

dammit

2005-05-07T23:00:00.001-07:00

yay. finished circuit liao and working on summary. really feel like doing well for science, at least. dunno why. but i heard bio was like super stress this year. i'm so dead. lalalala... damn. theory still not done yet. sometimes i really feel like dropping it. but i know i can't since reach this stage liao. but i feel like ponning tomorrow's lesson, cos i really want to work on pt and night time like got training... unless tomorrow i don't sleep larh. then at least parents cannot blame me liao. they know i'm working on pt today and oso know that i haven finish yet. so tomorrow cannot slack. blah. hopefully can finish in like 6 hours liddat. but if you look at it, it doesn't seem to look as if it'll take very long. i guess is just that majority of the websites out there on electricity are like super cheem, and i have no idea what all those equations and stuff mean. [you mean we're gonna learn that!?!?] sheesh. don't feel like sleeping... but i know that mom will be yelling at me soon. bleah. damn. i'm gonna just stone at the ceiling, i guess. i really dont' understand my parents sometimes. is like, people finally got the mood to do work, then you tell them not to do... and when they feel like slacking, you tell them to work. is like, cannot work at all larh. i finally decided to be a good little girl and do my pt, and there they are yelling for me to sleep. sheesh. but i guess the fact that i only feel like doing work at super weird times have something to do with it oso larh. but i still very bu shuang over that. oh man, i'm like super blur. i left my pt that worksheet in class... and science file oso. i really love me sis in-law and mother-that-i'm-related-only-by-law... wahahaha.... yar.... hmm... should i post any lyrics? hm... aiya. don't see any harm in doing that. =P I dont' think i post this song before... 3000 was telling me she like it, if i remember correctly... =P hmm. romanji or translation?... romanji... cos translation a bit the -cough-

Yakusoku [Kamui]
X/1999 TV
Vocal: Suzumura Kenichi

aseta kioku no sukima kara koboreru
namida atsumete
yume o tsumuida yume o mite itsumo
kizu ni naru
Ah kurikaesu kako ni kibou ga nakute mo
Ah itsuka wa kagayaku hoshi mo aru
hazu

kono hikari o daite iru no wa
KIMI ga nozonda mirai no tame
chiisana yakusoku ga bokutachi no
kako to ima o tsunagu kara

kieta sekai no gareki kara nakushita
kokoro mitsukete
kizu o iyasu basho mo nakute dakedo
yume o miru
Ah kurikaesu yami ni owari ga nakute mo
Ah koko kara hajimaru yume mo aru
hazu

ano egao o wasurenai no wa
tatta hitotsu no mirai no tame
chiisana hohoemi ga kono hoshi no
kyou to ashita tsunagu kara

KIMI ga iru aoi sora o
itsuka umareta umi o
dakishimete kizutsukete
eien ni mamoritai

kono hitomi ni utsuru mirai wa
sagashitsuzuketa sadame no hoshi
futatsu no toki o koeta kizuna ga
KIMI to boku o tsunagu no sa

kono hikari o daite iru no wa
KIMI ga nozonda mirai no tame
chiisana yakusoku ga bokutachi no
kako to ima o tsunagu kara

kyou to ashita tsunagu kara

I guess is kinda nice... =D

dammit

2005-05-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

blah.

2005-05-07T16:35:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna flunk everything this year. Who cares anyway. Band break ending, really looking forward to band pracs. But I guess I'll miss the days I spent floundering around Orchard Road, looking for a suitable place to mug. Lido turned out to be quite a nice place. =P Yar. Hmm... Still haven't exactly gotten around a plan on how to get that manga. The Wolf's Rain one. I wonder if Sunny Bookshop happens to have. Cos is like super cheap. I found third book of both season I n II of Rayearth there, and is the bigger sized one. And summore, both added together only cost 7.50 bucks. Whereas if I bought them at other places like Comics Connection, it's gonna cost like around 10 bucks per book. But I already bought the whole series... Wah. I'm dumb. But I bought them after all, cos they got coloured pages, with chibis on them, and they were soooooooooooo iresistable. I should be doing physics pt now. Heck. Feeling super slack larh. Dammit..And I still havent' done my theory yet. And I'm seeing the fella tomorrow. Blah. I guess I really shouldn't be blogging now. Sheesh. So I guess no time for lyrics either... -wails- Oh well. Tata. =P

wahaha...

2005-05-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

found wolf's rain manga... Thanks rambutan!! and evidently Howl's Moving Castle de manga is out oso. 4 books.. buden I think I'll buy Wolf's Rain first. Hehe. Buden I'm kinda curious as to how they managed to fit in 30 episodes in 2 books. Unless it's not finished larh. so sad. But it looked so nice. Esp. Kiba. Ehehehe...Wahahaha...I really like his wolf form.... Blah. Damn. torrent not co-operating at all. Really really wanna watch wolf's rain... waaaaaaaaah... and I don't think I'll be finding any shop that has any remote chance of selling it either... and even if it did, I bet it's gonna cost tons.
spotted Rayearth artbook oso. But it cost like 30+ bucks. and saw HMC artbook oso. and that's worse, cos it costs like 40+, close to 50 bucks. so pissifying. is like, so close yet so far. waaaaahhh. Really want it. Waaaah... -sniffles-
Oh, and I serious don't really get exactly why so many think that Howl's hot. I mean, he's good looking, yar. But so is like all the other bishies in WELL-drawn comics. Dragonball and SlamDunk don't count. I dont' think it's bishonen. Cos um... I dont' think their eyes are big enough....... Yar. Ehehe. Cos CLAMP's bishies are way cuter. -swoons- Whaha. Have to leave liao. bye.

Self-Loathing

2005-05-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

You'd better not treat it as just for the sake of pacifying a child. If you treat it as so, I guess there isn't anyone in this world that I can really put my faith in his/her words in. [The sentence sounds very wrong...]
A correction to my post on labour day. Actually we do celebrate it, only the thing is that, there's no significance at all. I mean, to most, I bet it's just a holiday, a day you can actually set aside for mugging and stuff. Kinda envious of those in China now. They get one whole week worth of holidays for labour day. Unfair.
I've decided that if I'm gonna flunk my eois, I'm gonna flunk them happily. Yar.
Actually still got other stuff to blog about, but my fingers are working chao slow today, so I shall leave it for another day, that is if I can still remember.

No lyrics for today. Can't be bothered.... Bleah

bwaha.

2005-05-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Labout Day people. [Not that we celebrate it. But I just felt like doing that.]

Dammit.

2005-04-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I'm finding the guy that sang all the songs 'for' Lantis very bu shuang... As in, it completely ruined the image I have of him. Unfair.... Waaaahhh. Den I'm finding Forever Love a bit bu shuang oso. Maybe cos it's in such a way that it's kinda damn obvious that it's from Kamui to Kotori. I don't care if it's nice. I'm a Kamui/Fuuma shipper. Hmph. And Clef really has got chao wierd songs. Bwahaha.
Feeling very slack. I'm supposed to be mugging. But I didn't mug much today. -guilty look- Was intending to mug today after SL. We did mug larh. Only a little. Sanqian managed to finish TKMB. Finally. I think I irritated her quite badly by imitating Merriweather for the 'po-o-ork' thingie. Yar. But it's fun. Then there was something about Freeman and Garnesh, and marinating chickens... -insane laughter- Suddenly had the image of Freeman and Garnesh in the old aprons, in the kitchens, desperately stuffing a big, fat chicken into the microwave. Don't ask why. I have no idea how my brain operates.
Find that things are very weird... Esp. with stuff online. Been coming across a lot of incest fics for some reason. Bob Erwell has got a flabby stomach. Bwaha. Eeyer... The instrumental for 'Hikari to Kage wo Dakishimeta' is so disgusting. It sounds exactly like a .midi. So gross. The original's loads better. Esp. the 'mtv' if you would call it that. Love the part where Lantis appears n sakura petals [i think] in the background. As long as I can imagine that Eagle's not there. Bwaha. Sprouting random rubbish. Can choose to ignore. After all, is not as if I'm forcing anyone to read it. And I don't think anyone's reading anyway. After all, it's just me. Ooh. I guess Rayearth's got some niceee instrumentals after all. I like the Autozam, Chizeta, Fahren one. Very cute... Even though it's not supposed to be cute. But Sadame still the best. For some reason, not that SanQian's mentioned it, you do hear Sadame mentioned in quite a lot of anime lyrics. Bwaha. Esp in X. Eeeeeh. Chizeta's music is super cute man... So arabian. But I guess it's supposed to be arabian. -sheepish grin-
Kinda traumatised by Rambutan's choice of hua chi dui xiang. But I shall be a good girl and not tell my fren's secret... Tho I doubt it's a secret. Cos 3000 knows it. Wonder why him of all people..... Don't tell me she goes after older man. -smacks self- So mean. I'm a meanie... -guilty look- Arathi's beaver reminds me of Dill. Don't ask why. And I'm sprouting random rubbish, as usual. Running of lyrics... Bleah. Akazukin Cha Cha is super cute. I think I'm repeating myself... Who cares anyway?? Wahahaha...

Egao ga Sukidakara

mabushiku hikaru HIKOOKI kumo ga
massugu umarete yuku aoizora
sagashi ni yukou nani ga aru no ka
yume he tobitatsu yuuki o ageru
sougen o fuki nukeru kaze ni notte

egao ga ichiban anata ni niau kara
kanashii kimochi ni makenai you ni
egao ga ichiban watashi ha sukidakara
negai ha itsuka kanau to shinjiteru

bouhatei no ue naran de suwatte
tokei o hazushita mama hanashita ne
suiheisen ni shizumu yuuhi ga
itsumo hitamuki na hitomi someteta
minna hitori kiri de ha ukite yukenai

akiramenai de ne hashiri tsuzuke you
ikutsumo namida o koete kita kara
hanarazu dekiru yo omoide shite mite
yume oikakeru egao ga sukidakara

egao ga ichiban anata ni niau kara
kanashii kimochi ni makenai you ni
egao ga ichiban watashi ha sukidakara
negai ha kanau to shinjite yuku no
akiramenai de ne hashiri tsuzuke you
yume oikakeru egao ga sukidakara

Akazukin Cha Cha. Ending.
Big Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig Grin. =D

Wahaha Here again..

2005-04-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

I geddit when they say that direct-linking is irritating. Not only does it create convenience to the webmaster/mistress, it annoys the visitors too. Especially when bandwidth exceeds. Yar. So far, cos I haven post any pics or anything at all, no one's stealing. There's nothing to steal anyway. Yar. Kays, I feel like a bit fat hypocrite. I promise to change the linking of my pics kay? I promise. Yar. Anyway, direct-linking is baaad. It can get you banned from websites if you're not careful. ThankGod I've been careful so far.... Yar.

-grins-

2005-04-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

Had this insane urge to just post after midnight. So here I am. Yar. Just love that fella. Sent me another 2 albums worth of Rayearth songs... Yay. Don't need to wait for that stupid torrent file to co-operate liao. There's a bug crawling across my comp screen. Oh well. Shall not disturb it. Thou shalt be a peace loving thingie today. -meditates-
For some reason, I'm starting to find what my group came up during English quite scandalous. Oh well. Just some of the things I can come up with when I'm feeling hyper but not hyper at all. Been getting into a lot of weird moods recently... Blah. Just can't stand some stuff in life. Shall not elaborate.
Sometimes I just feel like one person too many in a crowd. I mean, we keep on saying that everyone's unique, but what is it exactly that differentiates you from another? We're all humans right?[Rhethorical Question!!] Dammit. Yar. Sometimes I just feel no significance at all. I'm just another person, wasting away. Argh. Overthinking. Result of too much mugging. Getting addicted to pixel art once more... Wahahaha... -big evil grin- buden all of those that I did so far all chao nan bu nan nu bu nu Wahaha...
Realised that I've got one whole album of Mononoke soundtracks burned into one of my more obsecure cds after all. Aiyo. So malu, I was on the yahoo group requesting like mad... Ehehehe... I didn't do anything... -innocent look- Still waiting for disc to finish burning. And I think my cd player spoil liao. As in, cannot play unless connected to power supply. I think I might have over-charged the batts at some point of time.. Dammit.
I hate mosquitoes... ARGH!!
Rediscovered the cuteness of Akazukin Cha Cha. Remembered that there used to be a period, p1, p2 I think, that I used to be kinda obsessed with the anime... I mean, it's chao cute can? Wahaha... Downloaded the op n ed. Can't seem to find any other song from that seried for some reason... Err... I think is just that there arent' many mp3s on that series... After all, it IS kinda old.... Ah well...

Kimi iro Omoi

Kimi iro omoi ima mo nemure nai yoru ni
Kimi o dakishime ni yukou

Hajime kara kitto kizuiteta
Itsuka koi no owari ga kuru koto
Futari konna POZZU bakari totteitemo
Umaku yuku hazunai koto o

Kokoro goto karada goto mune ni hime koto
Yume no naka made boku o utsushite

Zutto kimi iro omoi ima ga kawara nai you ni
Kitakaze ni hajiru yo "ooh aishiteru"
Motto kokoro no naka o futari mise ae nakerya
Kotae ha mitsukara nai

Nani ga kanashikute naiteru no ka
Kizu ka nai boku o yurushite

Kokoro goto karada goto butsukari ae tara
Futari kono mama kawatte yukeru

Zutto kimi iro omoi ima mo nemure nai yoru ni
Kimi o dakishime ni yukou "ooh aishiteru"
Motto kokoro no naka o futari mise ae tanara
Kotae ha tsukameru yo

Oh kamisama bokura ni chikara o
Oh nando demo ai o chikau kara

Zutto kimi iro omoi ima mo nemure nai yoru ni
Kimi o dakishime ni yukou "ooh aishiteru"
Motto kokoro no naka o futari mise ae tanara
Kotae ha tsukameru yo

Lady kao o agete Lady hohoende goran
Lady yume o miyou yo Lady futari no yume
Lady kao o agete...!!

Opening. Akazukin Cha Cha =P

YAY!!!

2005-04-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

Got so many Rayearth OSTs today!! Yay. Many, many thanks to whoever you are... Forgot his/her name. I think I prolly received an entire soundtrack. Soo touched. No one's sent me so many songs at one go before... But only prob was it flooded my yahoo inbox. It went from like 6% all the way to 72%. Not that I'm complaining. Thank you!! Yay... Got so many instrumentals sommore... Arrrgh... Feel so happy... Awww....
Wahaha... Still can't get over that. Spent a very fun time converting .ogg files to .mp3. So fun. The software's kinda cute, only it isn't very compatible with xp. So it kept on turning off by itself. But at least I still converted my files. Ahhh... Just discovered that there's about like 3-4 songs on Lantis, or 'by' him. Ahhh....... -faints- Ehehehe.. A bit high... Hmm... Keep on getting pop-ups when using IE... Suspect I got spyware on comp. Shall do an anti-virus scan... Soon.... But I doubt it'll be helpful larh. nevermind...
Ehehehe... Still obsessed with the cache I received today... Ooh. there's thing song that supposedly for clef. S'called 'Clef's Confession'. -grins- I wonder... hmmm..... DAMMIT!!! How could they choose such a singer for Lantis' song!?!? Argh... His voice is like so damn low for some reason... Complete ruins the image of Lantis... and the tune's quite bad oso... Like a mario bgm gone wrong. -cries- Unfair.... Hmph. very bu shuang. What an insult. I am so horrified. Traumatizing... Ack. For some reason I'm not really liking the fella that sang the song supposedly by Hikaru... Don't know why.... ehhhhhhhhh... Just realised this entire post is basically all about the whole list of songs I received. But it's really a lot. There's like 51 files. And from the way s/he grouped them, I think it might be around three albums she sent me... The files really look like those from the torrent I'm downloading... er...
Ack. Gave up trying to download Wolf's Rain from that torrent. It's like practically no one seeding it. And that's like the only one I can find online... Blah. So irritating... Oh wells. So sad... It really sounded like a damn nice anime... I really want to watch... Waaaaah...

Tsumi

Furueru yokaze sasayaite sugiru
Kokoro no oku akaru honoo fukikesu you
Jibun wo itsuwari-tsuzukeru tsumori no
Ka shita kase mo ima wa sude ni hai to kiete

Kagami no naka naite 'ru no wa moto no watashi
Osana-sugita egao wa modoru hi wa konai

Kowarete mo ii kono omoi-goto kudakeru no nara
Watashi no tsumi ga tada watashi dake Furi-sosogu nara
Furishikiru ame kitto watashi no kokoro no arashi
Shizumeru sube wa mou sude ni naku inori-tsuzukeru tsumi

Yozora ni nijinda kin no tsuki akari
Sabakareru hi kuru to shitara watashi dake wo
Yuruseru hazu nai yurusareru hazu mo
Hikikaezu tada susunda tsumi e no michi

Ima no fukou kawasu sube wa atta keredo
Negau kokoro wo tomezuita watashi no kokoro

Kizutsuite ii Mune no itami de sakareru no nara
Watashi no ai ga tada watashi dake kurushimeru nara
Kono yo no batsu ga subete watashi ni furisosoide mo
Sore de kitto yurusareru hi wa konai watashi no tsumi

Magic Knight Rayearth
Emeraude's Song.

Cheers to whoever that can give me a translation... =P This song sounds so not Emeraude to me... Oh well.

bwahaha...

2005-04-27T22:17:00.000-07:00

Damn. I think I'm not bonding at all. Dammit. But also realised that I don't give a damn about things anymore. Sometimes just feel like wasting away forever. Feel like such a meanie for bringing the whole issue up at that time. After reading those entries, I can't help but feel that I was such a brat. >.< Dammit. I think I'm the one that's causing all the problems. After all, who am I to care who she goes out with, hangs out with. After all, don't they all say that if you truly care for them, set them free. Dammit. I think I'm just too controlling at times. I'm sorry... But I don't know. Maybe during the course of history, I'm the one who started pushing away everything. Argh. Dammit. There's a reason why sometimes I say there's no need for people you know.
Feel so anti-social... Blah.

Sekai no Yakusoku

namida no oku ni yuragu hohoemi wa
toki no hajime kara no sekai no yakusoku

ima wa hitori demo futari no kinou kara
kyou wa umare kirameku
hajimete atta hi no you ni

omoide no uchi ni anata wa inai
soyokaze to natte hoho ni furetekuru

komorebi no gogo no wakare no ato mo
kesshite owaranai sekai no yakusoku

ima wa hitori demo ashita wa kagirinai
anata ga oshietekureta
yoru ni hisomu yasashisa

omoide no uchi ni anata wa inai
seseragi no uta ni kono sora no iro ni
hana no kaori ni itsumademo ikite

From: Howl's Moving Castle.

The song's nice... Very warm and fuzzy... awwwwwwwww...

damn.

2005-04-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

Just realised how many stuff I need to do, is due and haven't started yet. Damn. Another of those times that I really want to embrace insanity. Blah. Home Econs was fun today, I guess. Yar. The stuff we made was nice, but the teacher's a total female doggie. Hope Jeanie Goh comes back... She'd better be there the week after. Oh wow. Next monday's labour day. Didn't realise. Argh.
Finally thought about what to do for hist. pt. But somehow I don't think it's really original. But think about it. I mean, how many people are there is this bloody world. We are just one person too many. If I can think of something, someone else out there is bound to think of it as well.
Heh. Just found another song by XJapan found in X/1999. Crucify My Love... Just realised that some moments ago... Pity she went online liao. I think she might think that I'm purposely withelding info from her. Wahaha... I not that mean... ...yet. Wahaha... Hmm. Prolly should check out some Tokyo Babylon songs... But I download quite a lot of songs... And I haven't donated anything at all... Sorry Gendou-sama...

Crucify My Love

Crucify my love
If my love is blind
Cruify my love
If it sets me free
Never know Never trust
" That love should see a color "
Crucify my love
If it should be that way
Swing the heartache
Feel it inside out
When the wind cries
I'll say good-by
Tried to learn tried to find
To reach out for eternity
Where's the answer
Is this forever

XJapan. found in X/1999 oso.. Kinda makes me wonder........ Wahahaha... Joey so bad. Got rid of my blissful ignorance... Hmph.

Wahahaha...

2005-04-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

Yar. I know I just blogged like a few minutes ago... But after that I went blogsurfing and realised how suaku I am. Feeling so detached.
Damn. I am a retard. Just realised the song Forever Love, ending song for X/1999 TV series' by X Japan. Heh. I'm a retard.
And I'm starting to get the feeling that she hates me with all available passion. Yep. Took me this long. Happy Family. Riiiiiight. Whatever.

Bleah.

2005-04-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to get the impression that nothing I ever do is good enough. Must you really go into such depths that even my handwriting annoys the shit out of you? So what if it's tiny? I like irritating the hell out of the teachers, and I like that. So what? Happy family? My arse. I don't think I'm even needed. You three seem to get along fine perfectly fine without my presense. I'm sorry for my incompetency. And I managed to lose my handphone. This just goes to prove that humans are not needed. I was just doing my homework happily in the library, minding my own business, handphone on the table. For once, I was actually engrossed in HOMEWORK... Next thing I know, heads up and it's gone. Give a hand to that fella, folks. Somehow I don't think I'm gonna get a handphone anytime soon... So don't call/sms me folks.
Sometimes I find myself real sad. Can't even get along well with my own family. Bleah. Maybe I'm just overthinking.. Today's Sunday, still nothing on sp&d pt thingie. I am so gonna flunk it. Sometimes just don't feel like going to school at all. Then don't have to deal with all the nagging, expectations, homework, stress, urge to slack, going against personal morals... Life can be sooo dramatic. Whatever. Really hate sanity now. It's so overrated. Who really needs it anyway? All it does is to cause problems. Mysteries of life. Ack. Kinda getting a headache about the SL thingie. I'm desperately hoping that the kid won't forget the three alphabets I taught. I am sooo not ready to go through it all over again next week. Bleah. Life in general sucks.
Ack. Don't mind me, I'm just whining. Looking at every downside there is available. I'm just angsting. No point bothering over just another sad teen desperate for attention. Not that anyone would. Bleugh. Sometimes I find it no wonder that I don't feel like going home at all, or feel like running away. Yar, disapprove then. I mean, I owe them that much and all those blah blah blah stuff about family closeness and how I should be grateful for them for bringing me up.. Blah. Hey, I have my rights, it's up to me to decide what I can fell and stuff. Wahaha... Like I've said, I'm overthinking.

eX Dream

Of this world, the end is coming
Dreams and hopes do not matter

Inside your heart, you are sleeping
but you will not wake up
Feel the hand of a future that cannot be changed

Burning for your life
This life will burn out someday, even if you try to cling to it
(for the perfect dream)
Drowning in my dream
Even if it's remembered, a dream is only a dream
You are star light

In that world, overflowing with shines
Your spirit will die out
Soon after the delivery of love by a wishing angel,
With it's hand, stopping the end of the future

Drowning for my life
Someday it will hit, this life cannot go back
(for the eX dream)
Drowning in your dream
Even if it's remembered, where will the dream continue?
I am moon light

Drowning for your life
A surprise is on the way, even if hope is held on to
(for the perfect dream)
Drowning in my dream
Even if destruction occurs, I will not run away

Drowning for my life
Never undecided, this feeling will not stop
(for the eX dream)
Drowning in your dream
A rushing companion, this will be the road of tomorrow
I am star light

Vocal: Myuji
Lyrics: Julian Lewis
From: X/1999 TV series

Hmph.

2005-04-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

Damnit. Can't stand her... She started a bloody argument over FRENCH FRIES!!! which I was kind enough to fry. Something about me getting the bigger portion. Is like, there isn't a lot to beginning at first okay? Sheesh. Shall not fight with this kind of xiao ren. Dammit. Feeling rather bad for not going to corr as often. -dotz- Ah well...
I've been finding rather insightful anime music. As in, the lyrics are really kinda deep... Ah well. Not feeling myself recently for some reason. Ooh. And disney songs are damn nice too. Awwww... Detachment from reality. Ahh... Blissful peace. Who needs sanity anyway? Wahahaha. Blah. For some reason, I think that there's no need for people, but things could get lonesome. But people can be so irritating at times. Argh. Shall stop trying to figure out the mysteries of life. Blah. Clef has got bloody weird songs...

Goran, Taiyou Da Yo

It was a winter that has been too sad and long
It was a winter that can freeze even tears
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT That will come soon

It was a love where I hurt someone or I got hurt
It was only one that faded or was snatched away
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT The day breaks

It's your smile that
Melted my sorrow
The fluttering heartbeats that cry out
Now you're the sun that strikes this heart of mine

If all crumbles
Just start once again
If you are here
Unbound strentgh overflows
Hora look, right there! You're the sun!

ALRIGHT ALL BRIGHT
ALRIGHT ALL BRIGHT ALRIGHT!

Clef Song

I don't get how he got such a song. I mean, he's so damn bloody dense, I wonder if he'll actually know if someone has feelings for him. And he's got this kind of song... Look, It's the Sun. Wowee... So weird... And there's another of his song, translated, means, Because I Want to See Your Smile. Wonder who issit for? -snickers-

Bleah.

2005-04-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

Band break. Feeling so weird, cos I'm like going home super early, and so empty, cos there's like nothing to do except mug. But somehow I get that feeling that if I spend the next few days before EOIs mugging, I will go crazy. Bleah. Seems as though a lot of people oso not very the happy with break. Oh. forgot to mention that the lyrics I posted yesterday is a translation. The song's in Jap.
Hehe... Two Paragraphs of Chappie4 out liao. Maybe it might come out after all. Been finding Hitler's life story very interesting for some reason. The wounded artist's surrounded by gay men, yet he's straight. -gasp- I didn't know that...

Heaven's Not Enough

Heaven's not enough
If when you get there..
Just another blue
And heaven's not enough
You think you've found it
And it loses you

You've thought of all there is
But not enough
And it loses you in a cloud

"There" most everything is nothin'
That it seems
"Where" you see the things you only wanna see

I'd fly away
To a higher plane
To say words I resist
To float away
To sigh
To breathe.... forget

And heaven's not enough
If when I'm there I don't remember you
And heaven does enough
You think you know it
And it uses you

I saw so many things
But like a dream
Always losing me in a cloud

Cause I couldn't cry
Cause I turned away
Couldn't see the score
Didn't know the pain
Of leaving yesterday really far behind
In another life
In another dream
By a different name
Gave it all away
For a memory
And a quiet lie
And I felt the face
Of a cold tonight
Still don't know the score
But I know the pain
Of leaving everything really far behind
And if I could cry
And if I could live what truth I did then take me there
Heaven goodbye

Composed: Yoko Kanno
Performed: Steve Conte
Wolf's Rain Episode25 Insert Song

Wahahahaha...

2005-04-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

Might be just posting anime song lyrics. Why? Because I feel like it. Anyway, strengh is a damn nice song. Lyrics are so sad, but a bit the *ahem* if you happened to know the anime and really think about it. But it's sooooo sweet. Aww....

Strength
X: An Omen
Ending Song

In a world of sad dreams
Without any loved ones
Unable even to end my own life
What should I do?

By loving, I lost everything
But still, I searched
The beauty of protecting someone
That was only an illusion

Without being able to protect even
Your strength and kindness, there is only pain
If everyone was born
Unable to defy their destiny
Please, tell me the meaning of tears

I can't even fulfill
The promises I made that day
But, I thought, somehow
I am just a little happy

No matter how hard the past was
Or if you have been lost
I can see a small light
I'm sure it's not an illusion

If it is your strength and kindness
I just might be able to protect my true feelings
People's hearts are changing things
I want to try to believe that so I can live until tomorrow
Please don't cry anymore, because I'm here

Even though I'm anxious about the future
Even if our hearts are lost
Because poeple's hearts can change
I won't lose the people I love anymore

If it is your strength and kindness...
Because people's hearts can change

Live without being lost anymore
Now, don't cry anymore and start walking

By: Koizumi Kouhei

Aww.... Oh and Gravity's the ending theme for Wolf's Rain. I think I might have forgotten to put that in yesterday.
Anyway, Sp&D was fun today. Since the teacher was on a course or something and wasn't there. My half of the class spent in the block in our class, searching for Asmizar's friendster account. Heh. He doesn't seem like the type that would actually like anime to me. Blah. Oh wells. Wahaha. I updated, but don't feel like doing chapter4 bah. Have the feeling that Chappie4 won't be coming out for quite some time. Awww..

Bah.

2005-04-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

Still rather pissed with my sis, but I think I might have cooled down a bit.
Damnit. Seems as though many others are going through tough times too. Sometimes I just feel so guilty about acting like a spoilt brat. I'm sorry everyone. I mean, at least I have the support of my parent, or at least I think I do. I mean with the ways they're acting sometimes, it's like they disapprove of everything. Bah. I'm digressing. But there's no actually topic in the first place. Shite, must really have lost it. I'm self-contradicting... Ah wells. Felt that the singing thingie was totally lame. I swear the school comes up with dumber and dumber things as the days go by. But I must really commend Tammy for the job very well done with the music and stuff. -applauds-
Wahaha. Another bout of cheng jiu gan.. Finished Chappie 3 of Fanfic. But FFN's down. awwwwwwww... At least I finished it. Unlike some people. Muahaha. But the thing's total crap. I won't be surprised if I happened to get any flames. I'm half expecting to get them. Cos the writing's horrible, and basically nothing happened in this chappie... I er... think.
Getting a pissed now. Sis trying to lecture me on the facts of life. (Not the one involving anatomies.) Sheesh. She's not even fully 8 yet. What does she think she know. Ack. zi yi wei shi Can't stand it. Sonata Arctica has some niiiice Album Art.

Gravity

been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

composer: Youko Kanno
performer: Maaya Sakamoto

Youko Kanno has some nice composition. Wolf's Rain sounds like such a nice anime...

Whee...

2005-04-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

Haha. Gold with Honours. Still can't really believe it. Somehow this whole thing still seems like a dream to me when I actually think about it. If this really was a dream, I hope never to wake up. Bah. Been getting a sense of detachment recently, again. And somehow, things just feel empty. For some reason, I just don't feel like facing school. Oh well... It could just be a bout of laziness. Bah.
Reasons why I don't get a tagboard.
1. I normally blog about rather ahem stuff. And they say that ignorance is bliss. I tend to agree in this case. That way, I wouldn't know who read my entries and won't know what they have to say. And I can blog freely. I know I'm prolly disillusioning myself. But I don't care.
2. er... actually 1 is like the only reason I have, but I don't believe that I can't think of more... Lemme see. Ah yes. Getting a tagboard requires time, and that is something I wouldn't spare to something that would cost me ignorance. Heh. I'm dumb.
3. I just can't be bothered.
To be continued......

Haha. Just felt like doing that. Tomorrow's monday and I still have no idea what to do for sp&d and who the heck is my partner. And I somehow managed to allow Andrea to let me participate in some inter-class singing thingie. I am dumb. Oh well. Damn. I can't sing for nuts. I am soo dead.

Argh. Still can't get my mind of SYF, even though it's over. Blah. I really screwed up. Mispitching a bit and all kinds of shitty stuff. Really felt like crying after that, and especially after I saw -- crying. Blah. Forget it. Tomorrow got Home Econs. Wonder if I will succeed poisoning myself. Hmmm...

You know that ChinaJapan issue, it's really kinda childish if you think about it. They're just fighting over something that had happened so many years ago. They're willing to let stuff ruin just because they're all sooo damn stubborn. If Japan just stopped being so self-righteous, and apologize, things will just cool down. Them and their Samurai Codes. And if China would just stop being so ji jiao. I mean, forgive and forget, forgive and forget. That's what they keep on saying.. Sheesh. And if you're not willing to, just think of it this way then, what's the point of fighting with this kind of xiao ren. Ask yourself, issit worth it? Sorry if I offended anyone.

Mom yelling, as usual. tata.

I hate you!!!

2005-04-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

I hate that stupid bitch! She doesn't give a damn about anything at all. Have you even thought that the thing might have sentimental value to someone? All that matters is that you want it, so you must have it. Heck about the feelings of others. And you have the nerve to go on laughing and smiling and pretending that everything is alright. You are correct in what you are doing. It doesn't matter if you hurt anyone. The world revolves around you. You are the most important. What do you know about emotions and relations? Nothing. That damn thing has importance and nothing can really replace it. And you have the nerve to think that by just offering something in exchange, it's alright. I was wrong when I thought that you might have a highter EQ. It's lower than your intelligence. At least when I ask things from others, I consider how they might feel. And don't you dare think that I will ever even consider to being friendly, at all.
I hate people who simply think that they should control my life, just because they're older. Who are you to think you can order me around? Have you ever even considered how I might be feeling? No. Obviously. I give up. And I had such a fat hope that things would turn out happy. Maybe it's just all wishes. I guess they would never understand. Is it even a wonder that sometimes I consider running away. I hate you all. I hate you. I hate my fucked up life.

Shite. This is a rather depressing entry. Right after SYF. Gosh. Ain't I great? Blah. Gold with Honours... Think about it and be happy. Yay. Don't really know why, but I kinda get the impression that the judges this year are a wee bit biased...... against girls. Haha. Enough crap.

whootywhootywhoot

2005-04-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

WE GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS!!!! YAY!!!! WHOOT!!! WHOOTYWHOOTYWHOOT!! AHHHHHHHH!!! CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! SOO HAPPY!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!
okay... enough caps for the time being... haha. first time in my life that i was so happy that i cried. that idiot guy was like, " band no. 127, raffles girls' sec. [pause] band no. 127, raffles girls' sec. [pause] gold.. with honours." and we broke lose, screaming, jumping, hugging, crying. when that guy said the band no. thingie again, i had the urge to throw my shoes at him. cos we were kinda like sitting right in front of him and i think he could tell that we were very nervous and purposely want to zheng us. so mean.. Anyway. we got it. YAY!!!
Now currently waiting for presentation results. as in, who got in and stuff. anyway. so scary... actually not really larh. cos the fact that we got GOLD WITH HONOURS is good enough. but one cannot help but want to have a little extra. =P arr.. if we happened to get in, i would be sitting here, crying and screaming and laughing. and my parents will most prolly send me to woodbridge. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... still carn believe it. and syf is lyk, OVER.
the people from A.S.S were very upset. can tell. after the guy announced the result, i could see many very disappointed and crying faces. I can emphatise. if we happened to get such result, i would be crying badly too. ahh. shall not delve into depressing thoughts. Yay.
Waiting for presentation........................................ Blah.

ARGH!!!

2005-04-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

syf's on friday. today's monday. oh man. my playing still sucks like shit. i am so dead. still seems very surreal for some reason, i have that feeling that i'll wake up on friday. just go for syf. then like four or five hours after that, wonder if it all had been a dream. then once it struck me that it's not a dream, i'll prolly start crying. heh. i'm a retard.
oh well. -shrugs-
been downloading wolf's rain. but it's taking a loooooooooong time. last time i checked, i still have hundred plus hours left to completion. bah. but i think it would be worth it. i hope it will be worth it. been reading a lot of positive reviews online, yar. so i hope it'll be alright. if the file turns out to be corrupted, i will scream.
sports fest was fun. but i get that feeling that i'll lose my voice, again.

BLAHBLAH

2005-04-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

my health just happened to have the most wonderful timing in the who entire bloody universe. felt ill yesterday after recess. turns out to be similar to that fever in term 1. i was bloody upset since it's being soo close to syf n all, and i was afraid me mom will ban me for another one week that simply will NOT do. sheesh. so damn bloody annoyed. was tempted not to tell her, but she figured out anyway. haha. nvm. feeling much better today. though throat still feels a little itchy, and head a bit light. wonder if i can pon pe tomorrow. that'll be great. hopefully, i'll be fine tmr. yar.
still feeling quite guilty about band prac yesterday. i couldn't play properly at all due to the bloody sore throat, and i was chao sleepy. feel so bad. eeeeeh...
okay. even with the 'fast' recuperation, i'm still rather annoyed with myself for missing the last sectionals before syf. shit. i am so dead. sincerely hope that mom won't ban me. aiya. heck larh. even is she did she can't do anything if i conveniently 'forgot'. eeyer. feel so mean. blah.
and i managed to lose my tkmb, right AFTER i finished flagging practically all there is to flag about. so irritating. blah. life is unfair. oh well... guess i have to buy another one during recess, finishing flagging by lunch. wonder if darling sbm's gonna kill me for not turning up for sectionals tmr. guess i'll find out.

blah.

2005-04-04T23:20:00.000-07:00

syf is real soon. i am real screwed. i hate myself.
i guess i will never be anyone's favourite. i mean, i don't go for the emotional stuff, i'm not big on 'relationships', i'm not good at expressing myself. i dunno. maybe it has something to do with my 'deprived' childhood, where i spent most of my time acquainting myself with books. i dunno. other than my family, to me at that point of time, people were just people. they come and go. i don't really belong in any group of friends. even if i happened to belong to a clich, i'm not really into it and more often than not, i find myself floundering between various groups, but closer to one particular group. sigh. i'm really sorry. i know expressing isn't my big point. whenever people get all emotional and stuff, i just become lost. i don't know how to approach anyone. i know it sounds real sad, but this is what i've been finding for the past few weeks. i suck.
perhaps i won't be anyone's favourite, not that i want to be. [okay. that sounds mean.] but all the same, sometimes i really find it very sad that when i look at a particular group i happened to be with at a certain point of time, i don't belong in any group. alright, maybe i'm just angsting. but it may seem as is i hang out with everyone, when in fact, there's no particular place where i can stop for long. ah blah.
sometimes i'm really amazed by the amount of faith mommy n daddy dearest have in me. yar. not as if it's anything new, but sometimes it just hurt, knowing that not even your parents trust you completely. pls woman, you think i want that? i know you have your problems with work and stuff. i tried seeing your point. but would it even fucking hurt to just try looking at things from my point for once? will it? i mean, i did, and nothing's detached or anything. i dun see why you can't?
then there's sister darling. one bigg hypocrite. she's got the nerve to call me selfish when she herself's worse. such is the luck of elder siblings.
but maybe i'm the hypocrite. maybe everything seems wrong all because of me. maybe everything's all my fault. i'm sorry.
i feel real guilty. but i guess different people have different ways of showing their affection. alright, that's for normal people. for folks like me. we are bastards. i know i'm pathetic, trying to make up excuses, but i have to justify something. just because i don't shower goodies, doesn't mean that i don't care. you guys must hate me now.

blah.

2005-03-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

blah. went to watch howl's moving castle with my cousin. funn. really great to have something really relaxing to look forward to after 4 hours of rs. blah. stupid teacher. can't even teach. okay. maybe she can. but she's so soft-spoken that she just simply can't capture the attention of a classroom full of hyper teenagers. blah. so it was just basically 4+ hours wasted. rotted at plaza sing. after that with 3000. blah. bad idea to eat long john's with her. sheesh. she stuffed my with 2 biiiiiiiiiiig cups of coke. totally stuffed after that. wanted to swear off coke after that, but thought about it and realised that it was a terrible idea, cos i dun think i can live without it. blah. buden again, there's pepsi.... hmm....
heh howl's a total sissy. as in, he practically threw a tantrum because he managed to dye his blonde hair orange by mistake. but turns out, he's got black hair. hmm... but i guess he kinda looked better as a blonde. blah. heh. total sissy. even the girl wasn't as obsessed with her looks as he is. heh. i guess i can understand why they say that he's cute, but i still think clamp's bishies look better. -sighs-
blah. suddenly dun feel like crapping anymore. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

sorry...

2005-03-20T17:25:00.000-08:00

i guess i didn't realise how things really are. i dunno. maybe the problem is with me, and it always have been. i dunno. sometimes i guess i just unknowingly like the remarks that might be quite cutting to some. maybe the fault is all mine. maybe i will be the one driving everyone away from me, not the other way round. blah. i'm sorry for sounding so spoilt. i'm sorry for trying to push all the blame away. i dunno. gah. i'm never good with relationships and stuff like that. mushyness gets me, a lot. i guess that might prove to be my biggest negative point. bah. i'm sorry.
i guess it isn't really my place to tell you who to be with... i mean, you have your rights too. dunno larh. some things are just proving too complicated for my over-simple mind. bah. i guess we are very different. heh. wonder how we got landed up like this in the first place. heh. all my stupid ego's fault. blah. i guess i should have been more understanding, i should have been more open... blah.
i know there are many times where i am rather dislikeable, due to my attitude and stuff like that. blah. i guess it's just me then.

exchange

2005-03-19T20:45:00.000-08:00

blah. exchange today was fun... though had problems with leg cramp... something to do with drawing lots and we just nice got the last. blah. the ninth. and is just nice after yhss can. so is lyk, i think we sounded quite bad compared to them. blah. i completely screwed up. couldn't play a lot of things, and i sound chao muffled. blah.
got kinda pissed with my dad after trying to contact him for lyk 1+ hours den when he picked up the phone, he told me that he was at wild wild wet. blah. i wanted to go lorh. heh. i sound so spoilt.
met cousin dearest. they're nice. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... (i think i sound sarcastic, but i'm not hor.) blah. blah. downloaded poto (phantom of the opera), since a certain didnt' or won't send it to me. -glares- heh. couldn't find ocean though. soooooooo sad. -sniffles-
random ramblings today. blah. freewebs is totally slow. Sadame takes lyk dunno how long to load larh. blah.
somehow, i think we're not as close as we should be. please larh. is lyk, you're the one daoing me lorh. i can tell that you prefer to hang out with them, buden can dun b so dao not? is damn irritating okay. is lyk, i can't even tell you anything properly lorh. is chao annoying okay. fine larh. you want to dao me, i dao you oso larh. don't blame me if anything happens hor. sheesh.

bleh.

2005-03-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

didn't sleep much last night. was busy staring at the sky, though it looks so much nicer that night at the parade square. bleh. looking at stars. couldn't help but make me think. i mean, if we can be living here, why can't there be other beings out there living in their own planets, in their own galaxies? and if there are so many out there, what role do i play in everything at all? i know that with so many lives out there, sometimes it might be a little impossible to think of a purpose for each and every one. sometimes i think i might be one of the spur of a moment mistake. sometimes i just think that i have no purpose at all. some might think that having no purpose beats having a purpose which is to destroy. but i don't think so. as in, if your purpose is to destroy, your purpose is to create as well. isn't it what they all say? after every destruction is a new beginning, or something along that line. so i guess, at least you have a purpose. what about those that don't? they just exist for the sake of existing. blah. night sky's beautiful. but somehow, you don't really get to see much in singapore. we dun seem to have much of a night sky view.
been listening to wolf's rain ost a lot. they seem to make me a bit down. the songs' really sad. the melody's very haunting. but it's nice. wolf's rain's a damn insightful anime. i dunno. what if earth turns out to be something like that, maybe in the near future? maybe not. i mean, we're killing at the right pace, but our technological development isn't. maybe things might be way better if humans never existed in the first place. or maybe we are just there to destroy. but if that's the case, we won't be the one to create. what if there is paradise? do we even deserve to go there at all? maybe there are some people out there in this world that deserves to, i'm sure there are a few, but won't that create prejudice and marginalisation? maybe they will be looked up to for sometime, but that bubble will burst, sooner or later. and they might find themselves being looked down upon. but then again, aren't they in 'paradise' already? so would they still know about the feelings others have for them? what if there isn't such a thing as paradise, or reward for those that did good throughout their entire lifetime? then what's the purpose of doing good in the first place? but i'm sure there are moments where they have been selfish as well, it's an instinct to do so. bleh.
i know i'm gonna have auds soon. i know i'm gonna disappoint them again, just like how i did, time and time again. i know i shouldn't, i know i can't, but i just... i hate myself. i guess all i can do is to try my hardest and put in my all in every practices, indivs, sectionals i have, but i just can't help but feel there are much more that should be done. i have never been good at expressing myself, nor have i been good at showing my gratitude, care, concern and stuff like that. there are so many things i did that deserved much more than a simple thankyou or sorry, depending on the situation. but i just can't express myself. i'm sorry if i've been such a failure, i'm sorry if i let you down, i'm sorry that i'm just like how i am. sorry for being such a selfish and spoilt brat. sorry for being such a pampered good-for-nothing. argh. i hate it.
argh. who cares anyway, it might just be a figment of my teenage angst. it might just be a ploy to grab attention. who cares?
you know? i'm scared. i'm scared of the future, what will it be like? what if i flunk school? what if ... -touch wood- (shall not continue that train of thought) blah. what if i'm just not good enough, no matter what i do? i'm scared, i'm scared that one day, they might just say that they're tired of me, all of them. i'm scared that one day, they would just abandon me by the sidewalk, alone. sometimes i just can't stand people and want to be alone. but a person can't survive being alone all the time. it's just too sad to think about. oh man, i'm pathetic.
blah. loads of things stuck in my head nowadays. somehow, they just all keep coming back to syf. well... a bit de duh larh. buden i guess sometimes i give people the impression that i don't give a damn about things, at all. damn it. i do. syf is lyk around 28 days left. 28days later, at this exact hour, where would i b? at home or in school? crying/tears already dried/never even cry at all? heh.
sorry for the many time i've let you all down.

hmm...

2005-03-17T22:35:00.000-08:00

i really wonder the point of life. as in, everything's gonna end sooner or later.
i really hate her. is like, who is she to tell me what to do. who is she to lecture me on the facts of life. who is she to tell me what is unfair and what is not? for heaven's sake, she's only 8. is not as though you know what is going on out there. is not as though you know how life is like. is not as though you know anything at all. don't think that you have them backing you up and you are smaller that you can get anything you want. pls larh. i got more things, more stress than you and when i finally get a chance to relax, who are you to deny me that? i hate you, you know that? i hate your guts, your spoiltness. i just hate the fact that you are such a selfish asshole. you want them all to yourself right? you want them to only care for you right? fine, is not as if i give a damn. i bet you were real happy when i left for camp right? you want everything to yourself? have if your way then, is not as if they cared for me to begin with. i hate you. sheesh. can't believe i'm actually wasting time blogging about the likes of you. childish naiveness. you think you know it all, but you will never realise how shallow your thinkings are.
buden perhaps there was a time i was like that as well. perhaps i used to be the spoilt brat as well. i dunno. but people change and i really hope you do. if not, i really pity you. cos you will never realise how much happiness you actually brought to those that love you. you will never realise how little happiness you brought to those you have grudges against. buden, sometimes, i miss being a kid.
being a kid means that you need not have any responsibility at all. being a kid means that any troubles you face can easily be solved through tears. being a kid, means freedom. maybe that's why you are like that.
don't think i can't hear you poison. i know you're trying to turn everyone against me. i know you want to be in the centre of the attention. i know you hate people who take the limelight away from you. i know how much you hate sharing. i know how much you hate me. but why do i always get willingly deceived by your claims of care. why do i respond so much to the brief moments when you are actually laughing with me and are willing to share? i know that right after that shortlived happiness, you would turn against me again. but why do i still willingly let myself be deceived? am i that deprived?
and is not as though i belong anywhere at all. as in, i always just roam from here to there, no group that i really belong to. i'm sure the only reason they let me hang out with them was that they had no choice. is there anywhere i can really feel as if i belong? somehow, i don't think so.
i know you are tired of me. i know you tolerate me only for the sake of tolerating me. i know we were never close at all. i know you never wanted to even befriend me at all. i dunno. maybe you don't say that, buden sometimes, i just get that feeling. i know you never wanted to hang out. i know you prefer them to me. not as if i care, buden it still hurts, sometimes.
i'm sorry for dragging you into things you wanted no part of. i'm sorry for not being good enough. i'm sorry for letting you down. i'm sorry for everything. i can tell that maybe we shouldn't really be friends. i can tell that sometimes you are really very irritated, being stuck with me. were you hoping that it wasn't me some years ago? perhaps you were.
i know they all hate me for what i am. buden sometimes i really hate it too. is not by my choice that i'm like that. okay. maybe it is, buden, haven't it occured to you that i might not really like it either? i just can't stand it.
you know, i really hate you.

gosh. what a shitload of angst. enough ramblings liao. heh. found some veli nice pics of.... kamui and fuuma. esp. liked the ones where they were little kids. lol. they were soo cute. and still cant' believe what 3000 did to my dear Sadame. waaaah... the people fight until liddat and u summore use that clip for the grand grand nice nice part. how could you...
heh. i sound like i got mpd. heh. have to go now. sis is going to rat on mother and will prolly result in scolding, as usual. blah.

Band Camp

2005-03-16T23:30:00.000-08:00

yay. just came back from band camp. soooooo... fun. yar. though i screwed up quite a lot for a lot of stuff. is lyk the first two days were quite tiring. as in band prac and stuff. is lyk almost the entire first day is filled with stuff regarding instru playing. so it's kinda quite tiring. and second day during band prac is lyk i was really dying. den right after that is lunch then section and batch testing. i screwed up completely for both. shall not elaborate. buden further confirmed an already confirmed fact. i suck more than shit. cos is lyk my tone cannot, den my range oso cannot, den is lyk got a lot of noise oso. so is basically i make noise, a lot of noise. i really suck. sheesh.
you know, i think is lyk she's getting very sian of me liao. is lyk she's practically daoing me larh and oso lyk i think she prefers mixing around with them rather than me. is lyk. i know we're not really that close, lyk how we shud, buden is lyk, i think she only tolerates me cos she just unlucky get stuck with me. i dunno. normally i'm very oblicious to this fact, buden for some reason, this really hurts sometimes. is lyk, i dun really belong. sometimes i really wonder the point of living.
you know, they all say that love is given freely. but the actions of some really make me consider whether it's true or not. sometimes... i dunno. sometimes i just think that life would be less complicated if we came without emotions. buden life would be boring, very boring. buden, is lyk, life really sucks and it can be very painful oso. cos is oso lyk, hurt is an emotion. if we happened to be emotionless, we can't get hurt. oh man, i'm getting myself confused.
i really hate myself sometimes.
shall blog more later. hmm... maybe tomorrow. blah. this sucks.

blah.

2005-03-13T23:20:00.000-08:00

went to read chloe's blog and immediately felt depressed.
is lyk i suck larh. reallyreallyreallyreally suck big time. i mean, she can at least reach the notes above c buden is lyk i'm still struggling, sometimes, with my c. and not to mention that i press lyk shit.
sometimes i think the only reason chloe sometimes carn play some stuff properly is that she's just not confident enough, and she has the tendency to downplay situations. not that i'm saying that it's a bad thing but she happens to downplay things a lot. and i guess maybe with a bit more confidence, she can actually do much better.
me, i'm hopeless. i think they think that too. as in, sometimes, i wonder if they haven't given up hope on me already.
i'm sorry my dear batchmates, sorry if i screw things up for you all during batch testing. sorry if i let everyone down.
you know, they all sound darn nice, really. but is lyk i think i'm the one pulling them down. sometimes i really hate myself. damn.
so screwed for auds, if there are any coming up, which most probably will have.
haiz. depressing entry...

Yay...

2005-03-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

Band camp tomorrow. Yay. Buden really dreading batch testing. My batch just can't seem to count right. And I am so screwed for the stormy part in Ocean. Blah. Buden still carn wait for band camp. haiz. Hmm. There's only one sectionals as Nancy has kindly pointed out in a msn conversation part of my batch had, together. Lardeedar. Buden three days two nights camp means three days two nights without my pics of those dear manga characters I just can't seem to get enough of. Awww. I think I should bring them along. Haii.
Hmm... I wonder, if three days of not logging into a certain forum can be counted as inactivity. Oh dear. Then that's bad. Very bad.
Hmm... What to blog about? Oh yar. Surprisingly, someone actually reviewed the one and only current fictionpress poem I have. I feel so touched. And it's not a flame summore. awwwww. To be frank, I was half expecting flames to come in, since my skills with the language isn't expactly what you call passable. heh.
First training since three weeks. how fun. We were learning some new aerobics that's rather obscene, and I think I looked like a retard for most of it. It involves quite a bit of the shaking of the rear. The younger boys look disgusted and hilarious when they attempted to do that. Couldn't stop laughing. And some part of it is extremely cute oso. Especially the part where most of them looked like crabs and oso the part where they just simply looked lyk retard. It's cute in a retarded way. heh. Buden it was fun. Awwwwwwww... LiTing didn't come down, neither did Adeline. Buden since one's having her 'O's and the other having her 'A's, I didn't really expect them to come down larh. Felt so lonely and isolated. -sniffles-
I think Chloe was rather pissed when she called me so many times and I didn't pick up the phone. Heh. buden really wasn't my fault lorh. How I know when I'm lyk at least five metres away and occupied and the phone's on silent mode. I think, next time, I should just switch it off. Oh larh. There's a very high chance that I'm wrong larh, cos my darling sb isnt' lyk the type that gets pissed. Buden I would rather not push my luck. (Apologies to my darling sb if you happened to be offended. Hey, but I have my rights, right?)
Ooh. Decided that 'Strength' might be a nice song oso, but I still stubbornly refuse to deny that 'Sadame' is the best. Cos it is lorh. Shall try to upload it and host as bgm soon. yay. 'Sadame' so rox larh. As in, you can hear the instruments so clearly lorh, especially if you turn it on loud loud. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... So nice. Buden I guess 'Sadame' is more of for the grand parts larh. For the soothing parts maybe use 'Strength' might be better. And I still don't get why they named a song 'Red Silk'. Perhaps in reference to blood? Cos 'X' is really quite a bloody anime. hmmmm.... Anyways, 'SADAME' ROX!!!!
Yar. Band Camp 2ml. shall go and slp liao. nite. (heh. abrupt)
My darling computer... I'LL MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH... -sobs-sniffles-
Kay larh. bye.

Bah.

2005-03-12T01:45:00.000-08:00

slept all the way until 10.30 today. wanted to sleep for longer buden sis woke me up with her screaming. bah. for once this week, I dun feel sleepy. wait. I said that too early. heh. dunno why, i've been in a very p.m.sy and sleepy mood this entire week. and i've been practically stoning for almost all of my lessons. carn believe one term is over just lyk that. awwww... this is not good. i'm still getting that feeling of detachment sometimes, lyk i'm just watching some kind of show on tv. it's really wierd. and i dun really think it's healthy. bleh.
mood swings are so in. i've been getting very very pissed off with my parents naggin, den right after that, i will start thinking that i most prolly should be a good little girl, then start grumbling about them asking for mary sues... it's just plain wierd and when i think about it, sometimes i just get freaked out. hmm... -shrugs- i'm wierd, enought said.
someone upstairs is singing pop songs. blah. it's lyk, she can't even reach the notes properly and she's there singing, thinking that it's wonderful. she'll be singing the same song for lyk 10+ minutes before pausing and start singing again, only a different phrase this time. it really grates on my nerves cos sometimes she sounds lyk a pontiana. blah. buden who am i to comment on the singing of others. after all, it's not as though i can sing. bleh. feeling very prissy. blah.
went through my blog. noticed that my entries are getting shorter so decided to post this long long one. harhar. stupid freeweb. intended to use that to host Sadame and make it my bgm for this blog. but turns out that accounts less than seven days can only upload files smaller than 750kb. and since sadame is quite a long mp3, it's kinda obvious that it's way bigger than the limit. bah. so have to makedo with this midi file. buden is quite nice oso lah, only the instru combo a bit wierd. so it'll sound wierd sometimes.
still carn get my mind off the x tv ending. think i'm kinda obsessed over it. buden it's lyk darn cute lorh, carn resist it. heh. everytime i watch it i'll feel a bit warm and fuzzy. blah. it's sooooo cute. and the anime is loads better than the ova. har. for some obscene reason, i just think that the ova um... sux. yar. maybe cos i still dun comprehend how could fuuma's head just fly off lyk that. i mean, the most kamui could do to his neck would most probably be a nick or something, considering their position and stuff lyk that. how could his head just fall off? bleh. but it still could just be me. lardeedar.
Recently came across this topic in an anime mp3 forum. is anime an addiction? this really got me thinking. blah. i mean, it really depends on whether you allow it to be an addiction or not. as in, you are the one that actually has control over your life so you are the one who decides whether you allow it to take control over you and allow it to ruin you. me? anime's jus an obsession. blah. but i'm hopeless against anime OST. awwwwww...
heh. bye. (that was abrupt. lol)

blah.

2005-03-11T22:50:00.000-08:00

went to watch last episode of x again. sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweet..... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... I was there practically squealing and my sis was lyk staring at me as though I was crazy. awwwwwwwww... And I discovered that Sadame was played at the part where Kamui was giving his looooong speech as well. So niiiiiiiice. heh. I'm a bit hyper tonight... Wonder how am I going to sleep... Haiz. Awwwwwwwwwww... I'm so NOT going to survive three days without my mp3s... ah well. Been hearing Sadame over and over again so that I won't forget how it sounds like. Now it's lyk stuck in my mind... Eh... Still can't get that warm fuzzy feeling out. Then I oso realised that Kamui's 'speech' wasn't given in one looooooooong breath. But rather, he can STILL breathe with a sword plunged through him, and summore it's close to where the lungs are. Amazing. Buden I guess if he just died lyk tt, it won't be nice anymore. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
Then there's another anime that's got me very interested now. It's called Wolf's Rain. I got interested in the music first. Cos the OST got many nice nice instrumentals. Very deep. Really gives a lot to think about. And it was mentioned something about humans being the descendant of wolves. -dotz- Was busy reading the episode summary. Soooooo nice... Yar. I like the way they drew the wolves' eyes. It looks very, very real and the close-ups and damn nice. Lyk this one. heh. Looks really nice. And the music rox. awwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
Shall stop crapping liaoz.

Sadame.

2005-03-06T22:15:00.000-08:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Fell in love with the song 'Sadame' the moment I heard it. It's damn nice larh. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... 3000 said tt it's the bgm they used 2 intro e characs in X. sooo.. nice..... -wispy look- yar. adding it as bgm 4 this blog. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... can't get enough of it.
Yar. enuf on tt. Ooh, and I didn't that Clef actually has a song. He doesn't seem like the type. -dotz- buden he's cute. As in, he's all short and tt stuff. heh. I wonder how will he be like if he actually grew tall. hmmmmmmmmmmm......
Oh yar. and heard this song called Tsumi. Doesn't seem lyk Emeraude at all. Buden again, I know ziltch abt the lyrics. Shall search for translation soon. yeppy. haha. A bit high today. Dunno why.
I'm ponning training for 3 weeks in a row. Feel so guilty. And there's chinese tong3 ce4 tml. I am so dead. argggggggggggh. heh. random musings 2dae. dun mind me. bye.

...

2005-02-26T23:00:00.000-08:00

hi. I'm back. Just realised how sad I am. I went back to read my blog, as in, reread all my past entries. Oh man, I must be seriously deprived. Shit, forgot what I was about to say.
-break-
Gave up trying to recall, and went to read fanfics instead. Darn nice larh. Oh yarh, only got 3 reviews for chapter 2 so far. eeeeeeh. So bad. -sigh- Anyway, I think my thought was along the lines of how much a person can change in half a year's time. yarh. bye =D

er...

2005-02-26T22:40:00.000-08:00

sigh, can't believe I'm already 14... can't believe it's already the end of Feb. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... how... SYF coming soon... Have this very sinking feeling that I'm gonna screw up everything. Sometimes I just can't help but find myself a good-for-nothing... shit. feeling so shi bai. Dunno why. Past few weeks just flew by just like that, it's all so surreal. Sometimes I wonder if all that I'm living in is a dream, and everything would suddenly just disappear... Or maybe we are just some kind of show created by other 'higher beings' for entertainment. If that was the case, they sure are cruel. Look at all those people suffering out there. Perhaps that's all that we are, you never know. As in, what if we're just puppets meant to be manupilated? What if one day we just get tossed aside, no longer having any purpose? (Just realised how depressing this seems... I'm in another wierd mood... shit)
Have the sudden urge to cry. Dunno why. Maybe I'm just really touched by all the 'Happy Birthdays' I got and stuff like that. I mean, it's never really been this 'big' before. It used to be just a cake, a present, a meal outside. one day is over. I don't know, can't really describe it in words. It just feels wierd. Sheesh. But I'm really grateful. I never really expected it. This sounds very, very, very, very wierd. (And I'm still getting that sense of detachment.)
As for the mosquitoes, they're still feasting. I've been getting some mosquito bites, but I dun get much, like one or two liddat. But I have the feeling that if it wasn't for the air-conditioned environment my parents and sis now sleep in, they would get much more bites.. yar. Because of my diagreement with the aircon, I am currently sleeping on the living room sofa. It's fun. Really fun. Sometimes, I can just stare at the fishes in the aquiriam 'beside' me. 30 minutes can pass that way. heh. My poor goldfish, now only got one eye. haha. Anyway, stupid mosquitoes. But if weren't for them, I would never have really discovered the joys of sleeping in the living room.
I sound wierd today. Anyway, exchange today was fun larh. Quite funny. Though I think that AHS guy was uber wierd. Least he could do was to at least say something before suddenly jumping into the topic of 5-day workweek. I was like, huh? What the hell was he doing, suddenly talking abt 5day workweek. Yar. Our BM's tall. heh. Aiya.. not a lot to talk about it. So basically, it was fun. And I thus conclude that Susu's wierd. (Hey, if other people can get away with jumping from topic to topic just like that, so can I.) I mean, the exchange was a 'fun' event, it doesn't really matter if you screw up or not. The main thing is that you learn something and don't do it during comp. oh man, I feel so mean. Yar. A bit of self-consoling here. Cos I screwed up a lot oso. yay for me.
Shit, really feel like getting that giant teddy bear I say. But it costs hundred over bucks, better be more conservative. Argh, feel like squashing something. Oh well. Yar. That doggie Chloe gave me is extremely cute. really, really, really cute. Thanks a lot. Never really thought that you would actually remember what I said. Man, I feel so thankful, you're such a great sbm. Love ya. heh. Sometimes I really feel loved. Awwwwwwwww... (Now I'm being mushy... heh.)
(jumping topic again.) Yay. our dear prestiged class treasurer finally decides to update. Better be soon. By the end of (um...) april, if she still don't update, I will really have something to say. yar. ehh. Feel so mean. I'm wierd today. Yeps. Feeling very wierd. And I've been saying this a lot today. Wadeva, I'm feeling strange.
Sometimes numbness might be a good thing. It kinda absorbs the impact of whatever bad news that might have hit you. But I don't think long-term detachness can be a good thing. I still don't know what am I doing most of the times now. And I am so gonna flunk school this year. Two months just flew past with a poof. If I really think about it, sec4 doesn't really seem that far away, if you really think about it. Sometimes I still think about when I was in Pri.1. How naive and innocent I was. and 6-years down the road, I'm like this. heh. big change. But it's like, one month doesn't seem like much, but as months by months pass by, you suddenly take the time to stop and recall, you'll be surprised how many months turned years have passed by already.
Heh. Should sum up liao, or else more crap will pour out and I never know what would actually pour out from that big mouth of mine. So... Happy Bithday to Me. Ain't I ego. Signing off. Ta. Love all of ya. Heh. Feeling warm today.

harharharhar...

2005-02-21T21:35:00.000-08:00

Yay, finally updated my fanfic. Got a sudden sense of cheng jiu gan. It's like after dunno how long liao and I finally finished my second chapter.. I guess the reason I got stuck was I didn't really know how to write the interactions between Clef and Dumbledore without making it really crazy. Anyway, I hope that the third chapter might come out smoother cos I kinda roughly have an idea how I want the conversations between the Magic Knights and their respective mashins to be like. Hmm, I wonder if you guys know what the hell I am talking about. Anyway, not my problem. I shall go on rambling, lardeedar. Harhar. Didn't really plan my second chappie so I kinda forced my way through the entire chappie, so it's not very well done. -sigh- But, I am rather pleased with the Mokona and Dumbledore part. (was about to type Mokona/Dumbledore, but ppl who happens to read fanfic will know what that implies. -_-UUU. Kz, I know I'm being lame here...) Anyway... pls, pls,pls go and r&r thankies... This time, I think I'll give out donuts... heh.

Sick, Tired and Pissed.

2005-02-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

Just can't stand it anymore. Why do they always have to go on comparing me with her!? So what if I'm more busy? It's not as though I don't like it? And she's got a bloody MERIT CCA for heavens' sake whereas I've got a CORE CCA. And if I go for a merit CCA only and all that shit, sure, I'll be free now, but later, when I don't get my CCA points, they're going to nag and nag and nag... Bloody hypocrites, the whole lot of them.

Attack of the Giant Mosquitoes

2005-02-14T21:15:00.000-08:00

Big, fat, ugly, bloodthirsty. Round with six legs, people's living nightmare, all bloodsuckers' aspiration. They are the giant mosquitoes. And they come for blood, not planning to leave until they are satisfied. Muahahaha...
Yep. Been having big, big problems with mosquitoes nowadays. Been sleeping with the air-con on, my whole family squashed in one small room. And it's bloody cold, and I keep getting blocked nose. But it's kinda better than the alternatives, either insect repellent, I do NOT want to get another case of rashes, or being sucked dry of body fluids and run the high risk of getting some wierd diseases. heh. er... Really nothing much to talk about leh. -scratch head- oh well. kudos

blahblahblahblah.

2005-02-13T21:50:00.000-08:00

Typing the title reminds me that blah isn't as easy to type as it seems. heh. Somehow managed to convince myself to get a FP account and somehow got persuaded to get hooked up with battleon.com Worst decision I've ever made. Now, I feel like slacking, again. -toot-
Went to watch Constantine with fellow APKAers. Pity Abby wasn't able to go. Awwwwwwwwwwww... She would really have liked the movie. Damn nice lah. As in, the graphics are damn cool lorh. It kinda gets me thinking. If the spawn of satan really gets released to this world, how would things be? Maybe it's just another way which things end and start again anew. That sounds so not me. Anyway, can't get Constantine's punchline out of my mind, no matter what, it always get down to, "My name is John, John Constantine, Asshole." And quite a bit of middle-finger showing there. And I think that 'what's-her-name' as got a serious obsession over the fella. But the thing is, he wouldn't really be counted as good looking, in my opinion. BUT, you never know what people look for nowadays. I think the demons looked very disgusting, but all the same, the graphics are nice larh. Shit, lost my train of thoughts...
....................................................................................................................................
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Oh yar, HC came up with this idea that Satan's gay, or else, why would he be so eager to get the poor fella. And why would he get so pissed when it turns out that the fella could go to heaven after all. heh. Then I came up with the idea that there might be a love triangle with the poor fella stuck in the middle. It just struck me, his initials = JC. Ok larh, a bit toot. But who cares, I'm just rambling merrily away, as usual. Go ahead, leave. hehheh.
And the literally bloody movie left me thinking about how vulnerable we humans actually are. As in, if HnH decides that human have enough time already, we won't stand a chance. And most might even die not knowing what struck them at all. We're all really ignorant, if you really think about it. Er... No, I'm not going to rant again about how 'stupid' we are. heh.
You know the commercials before the movie actually starts? There's this very disturbing one, advertising for another movie, namely, Hide and Seek. Really disturbing larh. Girl has imaginary friend. Nothing unusual rite? Imaginary friend called Charlie. Nothing disturbing rite? Charlie kills people, anyone that might pose as a threat to him, leaving behind disgusting crime scenes. Girl knows that Charlie kills and accepts the fact, even warning people that they would be his next victim. Most disturbing scene would be when she's drawing this picture, police officer asks her what she's drawing. She replied, telling him that she was drawing him, dying or murdered or something like that. Disturbing, scary, but nice. I think it's gonna be nicer than Ju-on. Cos Ju-on has no plot. heh.
And I'm suddenly reminded. That JC fella smokes, a lot. It was specifically mentioned that he smoked through 30 cigars a day when he was 15. So during the movie, he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer or something along the lines of that. Anyway, Satan healed him, determined not to let him go to heaven. Something about taking out black stuff from where his lungs are. I suppose that's the tar he accumulated throughout the years, but I couldn't help but wonder, did his lungs get distorted somehow? heh. Yar, he quit smoking. And turned to chewing gum. Stupid fella. He's gonna wear down his gums and teeth until he couldn't eat and starve to death. -toot-
PLAY is officially on Friday. I have a very bad feeling. But still, must work hard even if I screw up on that day. How I wish I hyperventilated during auds. Shall not mention more. Shit. But I still feel very, very, very bad and guilty. I don't know, I just feel so shi bai. And the thing is that I pissed both of them off, very badly. Oh man, I should have gotten over it by now larh. Shit. Oh well. shit. He broke my train of thought...
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Oh yar, got an idea how Hell might look like, groovy and freaky and very hot. Hot as in boiling water hot btw. And everything's red or orange or black. Eeh. So typical. I have a very sinking feeling that I might start thinking that everyone's skin would start peeling off to reveal a demon undernearth. Must refrain from getting sugar-high tomorrow. heh.
I was digressing. heh. But since it's my thoughts, it's up to me whether I'm digressing or not. -shrugs- I never understood how my mind work, and I'm never going to. lardeedar.
Stupid geog PT's driving me nuts. Got the feeling that I'm gonna do badly, again. Touchwood... Cos YuXin and HuiWen involved oso. Musn't drag them down as well. hai.
Oh man, mother yelling again. Kudos. bye.

stupid...

2005-02-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

Who could have thought that insect repellent could cause rashes!? Stupid. I never thought that it would happen to me lah. Cos is like when I used it last time, I was perfectly fine. Then now, this. There's red patches on my arms and legs and I look as if I got sunburn. I'm trying not to scratch them, cos it'll only make it worse... Buden... ARGH!!! -dotz-
Then, went to take photos. Adeline got this brilliant idea to make a photo album of the few da zhi ones that used to be under Kin Sir. She happened to have rashes, my father's digital cam refuses to co-operate. We planned to give them to Sir during tuan yuan dinner, buden we don't know when is it, we don't know whether we got any other chances to take photos. heh.
On the topic of Sir hor, he tai4 bu4 jiang3 yi4 qi4 liao. Didn't even give any warning and he just quit, leaving the few of us wandering around like lost sheeps. So mean. Decided to go for Sunday night training cos: 1. Thursday training demolished liao. 2. Even if got Thursday training oso cannot go cos of CCA. 3. Sunday night training is like the only training where I can actually be the trainee instead of the trainer. yar. So I guess I don't have much of a choice. heh.
Finally got my black belt gi. yep. But I kinda thought that I ordered a pom belt gi cos of grading next year. Aiya. dun care lah. I can always borrow from friends. yay. Got back my 150 bucks from Veron after she ba4 zhan4 for like dunno how many weeks liao. haiz. Buden the gi is like so retarded lar. Cos there's Synergy Taekwando printed in bold at where one normally sits, aka, the bum. So if there's this black belt fella that walks in front of you, you can see SYNERGY TAEKWANDO printed right at the rear. stupid.
Today sparring training very de slack. Cos Ah Beng Sir said is because of Chinese New Year. Anyway, it was fun. Oh yar, forgot to tao hongbao from him. forget it.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

Auds tomorrow. Haiz. Not that I've got anything against it, but they just had to remove the piece I worked the hardest on. Inn of Sixth Happiness. But I have to admit lah, Ocean's much nicer and easier. Yep. Then tomorrow auding on Dancing. Shite, I focused too much on Inn cos SYF piece mah, so now Dancing confirm die wan. Even if I can play, all I need is the two of them to just stare at me and I can't play a single thing liao. Oh man, I'm so dead. And den oso feel very shi bai. Is like the piece was given to me like dunno how long ago, and den I still can't play properly. -sigh-
Dunno lah, just feel like I've let them down... Is like we can't even play for PI lor... Dunno, somehow I just know that JiaYing's very disappointed........ haiz. Heh, thank god I dun hav a taggie. heh. Buden I still feel very bad... And tomorrow's auds. Oh man, I'm repeating myself... wadeva.
I got that feeling that I'm gonna cry... No way during auds lah, most prolly after auds or something like that. Oh man. So sucky.... I knew that I should have concentrated on Dancing as well!!! ARGH!! Stupid Inn. Buden I guess if they did aud on Inn then it's gonna be worse cos my Inn is like chao sucky lah. bleh. I know I'm going to be cut for majority of the piece. shite.

I am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so deadI am so dead...

haiz.

Kayz... Stop with the depression stuff. On a lighter tone, WE GOT A NAME FOR OUR GEOG PT THINGIE!!! yay. Buden is chao joker lah. YuXin was dead against it. Well, with a name like Bring Us Some Hope (B.U.S.H) and a mission statement like Offer Share Assist Moniter & Aid (O.S.A.M.A), who wouldnt? heh.

oh man...

2005-02-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

Seems to have this bug flying around... As in virus thingie... Cos now all my family's sick. Symptoms include sore-throat, fever heh. Couldn't help but think that I'm the one that spreaded it to them. aww... so sad.
Seem to be sticking to my agreement with my parents so far.. I don't slack so much now.. ok, there's the occasional bout of laziness, but at least I bother to complete my work now. hai. I would say that I'm making good progress. awww.... ha. The so-called agreement is that I pull up all my grades and they won't stop me from going to any outside studies activities, like Band and Taekwando. The tough part is to pull up my grades. I guess last year was partly because of my 3rd lang, buden I admit that I slacked, a LOT. yar. So this year trying my best to be an 'obediant' little girl.
Oh man, APKA bloggie really dead lar. Wonder how's Abby, YuanLin and Jess doing. Hmm... Maybe we should meet during the Chinese New Year. Shall ask HongChuan tomorrow. yep. Dunno. Maybe we'll spend another day window shopping. Cos if we go and watch a movie, we'll most prolly just watch the movie, happy happy than bye-bye. yar. So movie's out, unless we really got nothing else to do. But the thing is that if I go window shopping with them, I'm gonna end up spending up a lot. And that's a big no-no to my parents. yep. Argh! Then got nothing to do liao. -sigh- Shall think up of something then...
Got a fictionpress account. Buden haven't thought of anything to post yet. hmm...
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I know! Flying piggies and flying coconuts and explode upon contact. Falling skies.. Why Hell and Flying Pigs are enemies... um... ok... shite. had too much sugar.. hai.
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heh. Trying to make this entry look long. awwww... anyway, have to sign off liao. Dun want to disturb my mom when she's sleeping. Cos when she just wakes up, she's always in a bad mood. hai. bye.

-..-

2005-01-31T21:30:00.000-08:00

Went for my first house practise for this year. Have to admit that this year's sec1s aren't as enthu as I expected. heh. Met my mortal and my god-mortal. My mortal's cute, buden I have to admit that she's kinda blur. heh. So mean. Then my god-mortals nice lah. Oh man, got nothing more to talk about them already.
Oh yes, watched X/1999 OVA and Anime yesterday. Um. The ending only. The OVA's kinda very wierd. And very R-rated. I dunno. I mean, Fuuma kinda got himself beheaded and Kamui was there hugging Fuuma's head and crying like the world's gonna end, which can't, cos the person who's gonna cause it just got himself beheaded. The Anime's ending's really nice. Awww... But I'm kinda amazed. Kamui just happened to have a long blade sticking through him and he could still give this ultra long speech about how he knew that he would actually still be living in Fuuma's heart blah blah blah and all these other heartwarming stuff like how he decided to trust him blah blah. It's kinda sappy buden it's still very nice all the same. heh. Oh, and I thought that the voice talent for Kamui in the OVA's not really what I imagined how he would sound like. Ah well... Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... heh
Kz, the above was typed a few days ago, I was lazy to post. heh.
Anyway. AUDS ARE UP!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!! I am soooo dead. heh. Still couldn't play Inn and Dancing properly and just felt so shi bai. I can't help but to feel that I've let everyone down. Oh man. Auds on Fri. Trying my best not to freak out. But I have that sinking feeling that I'm either gonna hyperventilate or that I just cannot play anything at all. Both don't seem very appealing but I personally prefer if those were the only choice, to hyperventilate. At least if that happens, I won't feel as guilty. Sheesh. That sounds so not me.
Just found that Pollyna's really sad. Whenever there's an 'encounter' with Emmaline, she's always not there. heh. I couldn't help wondering now, if Pollyna was with Chloe and me outside band room today, will Emmaline still approach us and ask about the whereabouts of the Percs in my batch. hmm... Prolly not. Hai. Eeeeevil... heh.
Still dunno what to do for Geog PT. shit. And YuXin's not online, at all. Oh well. And the mystery of the coconut that mysteriously appeared on 3000's chair is still unsolved.
Suddenly have another insane urge to re-edit my fanfic chapters again. -groan- I'm never gonna update at this rate... eugh. Shud get a FP account. But even if I get one, I won't really have a lot to post on. -shrugs- Right now, flying pigs seemed to have invaded my mind... Imagine, beacon with wings, fluttering around. Mornings would be chaos. Watching your neighbours chase after their pieces of beacon, still in their pyjamas waving forks in the air, while you yourself chases your own. Isn't that nice.
And flying coconuts can join in, attacking the flying piggies, in the battle for the dominance of the skies. Ok... That was VERY random... shit, lost my train of thought. Anyways, YuXin online liao... heh.
Heard there's this Taekwando Reunion Dinner thingie on 15th Feb. Prob is that it's on a Tue. Buden Adeline said most prolly starts at 8. So currently debating whether I should go. hmm.. My parents don't seem to be against it... I guess I shall go. Feel like quitting TKD... -sigh- Now, we're deciding on going for Wed training. Since Thu classes are cancelled, not as though I could go, and Fri classes are like shit. All we do is to help train and we don't get to train at all, unless we stay back until very late at that rather ulu area. -shivers- not very appealing. heh. Buden West CC the class oso not very good. Bleh. I guess beggars can't be choosers. sheesh.
I wonder how would things be like if human beings didn't exist? hmm. World might be a better place. Really. Kz, enough for today. Should really consider getting a tagboard.. hai. ok. bye.

heh.

2005-01-23T13:55:00.000-08:00

phew. ffn finally back on. heh. looked back at yesterday's entry. I lied when I said there wasn't much to talk about. duh. heh. Just to prove that I don't lie often, well, not very often, there isn't much to talk about. bye. heh.

heh.

2005-01-22T23:45:00.000-08:00

har. nothing much to talk about, really. wanted to post this extra long conversation I had on msn. the longest one I've ever had so far. heh. shall post it soon. hai. realised what a wuss I am at games. heh. shall not emphasize. checked e-mail and discovered that I got into KoolKids. yep. no RS for me. yay. but I wonder which program did my group get into. hmm. cos we kinda put more programs that are available when the teacher told my group that there was a group that also asked for the same program and that group was oked. so...
anyway, that was old news. heh. darn. forgot what I was about to type. heh. oh yar. went to buy shoes with some of my batchmates. yep. so now I have Nancy's shoes with me and she owes me close to 16 bucks. which reminds me. my 150 bucked gi is still with Veronica and she still haven't told me when she's free so I can get my gi from her. 150 bucks. no small sum. imagine the number of comics I can buy. nope, I'm not turning into a comic fan like 3000, buden one has to admit that manga is nice, expecially those by CLAMP. their bishonens are so hot. -drools- heh. that was ooc. heh.
and that reminds me of my fanfiction. heh. nope, still no update yet. but I am halfway done. just hope this time I won't get another urge to edit the story, again. hai. Flora's still not updated, megemi neither. so sad. and I wonder if 3000's mom bought her the cds yet cos I desperately wanna take a look at X/1999 tv series. wonder how the bishies look like in the anime. heh. shite, I sound so.. ugh. forget it.
had this very sad thing brought up during a talk I had with my dearest batchmates. flag and baton's cancelled. came as an utmost shock. fine. I've been expecting it sooner or later but I never really expect my batch to be the last batch to have fnb. it really sucks big time. cos it's like the thing that bonded my batch so I'm now kinda wondering about the future batches. how are they going to bond? and the number for batch'08 isn't really big either. one or two quitting will actually have a very, very big impact on the rest. really worried. you know, the impact of my batch being the last to have fnb didn't really hit until it's realised that we totally screwed it up. sure, the music tripped lah, buden the thing is that taking things into consideration, we aren't really... let me rephrase that. we don't even border acceptable, considering what I've heard about the past few generations. shite, I'm getting myself depressed again. buden it'll get worse if I bottle it all up. heh.
on the topic of band, I discovered a very happy thing a two very freaky things. happy stuff first. susu won't be quitting, or at least she won't. PeiXian told me that she won't. I'm clinging on to that. full-stop. freaky stuff. my sister insisted that it's Mr. Oura that goes teach the entire pri.2 cohort on wednesday 12.45p.m at Gongshang Primary School. she told me that after looking at the band photo. I didn't believe her at first. I mean, it's too coincidental right? buden, I checked some facts with her. yep, he's japanese, he's called Mr. Oura. and after checking some photos online, she confirmed. I freaked out. then, I started telling her, for no particular reason, how lucky she was. I never had such stuff when I was in primary school. stupid daisy yip. just had to wait until 2005 to introduce this kind of rubbish. why couldn't she think of it earlier!? heh. Then another thing was that saxaphone sec4 senior, Cheryl, was from my primary school, 2001 graduating batch. second in standard some more. freaky. heh. -shivers-
heh. tomorrow is colour belt grading. heh. figures they had to hold the first grading of this year in a new place. Tampines Central Community Centre. previous years, it was at Tampines WEST Community Centre. so sad. west cc holds some very nice memories. I began there. heh. wadever. colour belt grading. which reminds me, I need to go give moral support to HC and her sis, Kelvin, Veronica (if she's going) and ma soeur. hai. heh. so sad, my grading's more than a year away. awwwww.... buden I guess I should be going down for training. only reason I didn't go, cos I didn't pay training fee for this term. heh. but I still went down for half a term, to TEACH. hai. to teach, not train. I think they should be the ones paying me. oh well. such is my luck. but I guess since I am still a student heh. VERON! Where's my pom belt gi!?!? heh.
shite, mother yelling, AGAIN, heh. stupid. nevermind. sleepy anyway. hai. night.

-cries- heh.

2005-01-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

darn. feel so guilty today, not able to go for band prac. dotz. darn. feel reali very very bad. hai. shall try to persuade mom to relent and let me go for band prac on thurs. buden even though throat not hurting so much now, it's still very bad, esp in the morning. I can't speak lar. so I can't really lie if off if I still can't manage to speak properly on thurs morning. I sound totally hoarse today. to make things worse, I seem to have developed a cough. -dotz- and it seemed to come at the most unexpected times. like when I was drinking water and there was this sudden immense itch in my throat. I choked very badly after that.
One day, the sky would come toppling over, announcing the doom of the world. Maybe, that would be the day mankind would finally realise his mistakes, but it's to late to repent already. The beautiful shade of blue that always hung over all, overlooked, taken for granted. Finally, it got it's chance for revenge. All things stopped in motion, staring at the blue-ness that was slowly, but surely, lowering. Slowly at first, then faster, and faster. It was the day when all would end.
Just as many started resigning to their fate, pink streaks shoot across the sky. Most dismissed them, thinking that it was just Heavens rubbing salt into the wounds. But then, they noticed that the sky had stopped lowering itself. A closer glance at the small, pink figures in the distance revealed to be what most could never imagine. They fought valiantly against the Heavens.
The Ones above were not very happy and occasional flash of lightnings could be seen. They winced as one whenever the lightnings struck one of their tiny heroes, hearts going all out for the figures as it squealed loudly and plunged to it's death, the smell of burnt bacon hanging in the air. They stared at the figures in the sky intently, willing them to suceed and after some moments, they finally discovered the identity of their brave heroes on the front line.
They were the pink, squealing, air-bourne, bacon smelling FLYING PIGS.
HELL had frozen over. heh.
had to get that out of my mind. it's been plaguing me ever since maths. heh. dun ask why. I don't even know myself most of the times. still have homework to finish. baka.

-dotz-

2005-01-17T22:40:00.000-08:00

heh. 2dae was stupid. got a letter from my mortal. paiseh. shall not say more on that. heh. good thing I dun hav a tag board. heh. wrote xtra long letter 2 my mortal. I hope I dun scare her off. aesthetics was fun. watched this very cute and a bit spastic cartoon of skeletons dancing. with death playing the violin in the background. cute. heh. stupid sore-throat. mum forbid me to play instru so um. I'll be missing out band prac for the week. feeling immensely guilty now. must work very hard. hai. shit. it's only the third week and I'm like this already. I'm never gonna survive. still considering whether I shud go down for grading not. not as though dun go will die lah, buden still must show moral support to HC and her sis and my sis. -sigh- stupid. went blogsurfing. found some 10905 bloggies. sibei cute leh. heh. anyway, tagged under smiley face. heh. can't believe there's actually this Rayearth fan in 10905 lah. she tried out for trombone buden didn't get in. awwww... oops. I'm supposed to be asleep now, or so says my mother. she wants me to sleep early this week cos I'm sick. -sigh- this is very stupid. oh well. oh yar. chinese teacher not coming for entire week. so fun. buden although this relief teacher is 'cool', I dun really think we're going to learn much. cos today was her first time teaching, in her entire lifetime. I kinda get the impression that if the class was on it's usual behavior, esp RuiLing, she'll freak. heh. English was fun. get to alter fairy tales. my group got snow white. She fell in love with Dopey, one of the dwarves, the 'dumbest' one. heh. poor Prince Charming. heh. kinda reminds me of Banderella. shit. I feel very guilty now. buden I can't help but realise that this would be the slackest week I'll ever have. cos no 3rd lang and oso no CCA. I feel very bad. blasted throat. If it was just some mild thing I might have even forced my mother to just let me go for band, buden the thing is that this blasted sore throat can render me speechless, literally for most part of the morning. stupid. and early in the morning, sometimes, I can't even swallow. very bad. and it's definitely not on my agenda to make it worse. heh. buden I still hate this lah. I hate myself lor. why fall sick now? stupid. guess my immunity system's not to par. heh. BLASTED SORE-THROAT!! I could be practising today lah. stupid. I will compensate for it. heh. hope I keep my promise. stupid. fucking asshole. motherfucking son of a bitch. stupid. sorrie people, needed to get it out of my system. heh.

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2005-01-16T10:30:00.000-08:00

I hate sorethroats!!! It's like this morning, when I wake up, I couldn't even swallow properly. Then, I didn't want to have breakfast cos I lost my apetite. Then, my mother insisted on filling me up with medicines, whenever she could think of one that might be of help. Heh. And it hurts to speak. toot. And now my father's going on and on about stuff. I'm seriously pissed. Great. he's reading. ............................................... -dotz- ......................................... -blinkz- heh. stupid. anyway, who cares. They just had to blame the person who happen to be unable to speak. Shit. I feel like screaming and I am VERY pissed now. (it's the only place I can do without u guys screaming back wad.) Sowwie, father occupied my attention span. As mentioned in earlier post, my attention span is shortening rapidly. Damn. He's going on and on again about how I should spend my time doing more 'proper' stuff, like homework. heh. PICK ON THE PERSON WHO COULDN'T SPEAK OR DEFEND HERSELF RITE!?!? asshole. this is getting very irritating. alright, since he doesn't want me to blog, I have to sign off. I'm a good girl. What? Don't look at me like that. I'm speaking the truth! heh.

heh.

2005-01-15T23:20:00.000-08:00

Didn't blog for a very long time liao. heh. Quite a bit happened lah. and responding to my previous post from way long ago, I'm getting used to haircuts. But I'm still getting pictures of hairdressers turning into dust once beheaded, only now, I kinda vision them waving scissors about. And the real dumb ones behead themselves. Heh. Don't I know how to hold a grudge? Back to other stuff then.
As most can see, I put the fanlistings back up alreadi. But most cannot see is that I took two bloody days to do that cos in the process of putting it up, I accidently deleted my template away many times. That sounds very stupid. As most can see, FF.N is back up, with a new host or something... But most cannot see, I finished my chapters!! Ha. Only need to figure out where I left it. *sheepish grin* Guess people have to wait, again. Paiseh.
Saw the Sec1s that might join band. Damn dao lah. I sincerely hope that I wasn't like that um... last year. yep. Buden got some very cute ones. Heh. Remembered. I haven't posted my letter to my mortal yet. Feel so guilty. And there's this fact that I still can't get my brains to think in terms of 2005. Sometimes, I still find myself responding to 109. heh.
Suddenly discovered that I have 5hrs plus worth of songs burned in one CD. Unbelieveable lah. You never really know how many songs you did download until you compile them together. It's like, you go download, download, happy, happy, thinking it's very little looking at how many songs there are, available for download online. Continue doing for many, many days, months, etc. Then, one day, compile them together, wakao. So many. Come from where one har?
Oh yar. I found this place where I can read RG Veda comics, for free. It's at this small shop in my neighbourhood. Since 3000 won't lend me, I shall go there and read. All ten books sommore. hmmmm. I think maybe tomorrow find some time to go there. Heh. I feel guilty now. After all, I did promise that I would update my fanfic soon. Oh yar. Flora haven't updated yet. toot.
Today was a very bad day for me. Woke up with a horrible blocked nose and a sore throat. Then after that, my sis lost 4 bucks and claimed that I took them. So, I had to pay her back. Hard to imagine that she's so obsessed over money when she's only 7. Anyway, after that, ummm. I was dragged off the com for a lot of times. And I was busy with the template of this blog. The distraction nearly caused me to delete the template many times. Shit, my attention span getting shorter. As a result, I was very pissed.
Grading next week. Oops. I meant colour belt grading next Sunday. Hah. Still wondering whether I should go or not. I mean, I want to go and watch my sis and HC and her sis lah. Buden if I go and kena get caught how? Cos me and LiTing haven't been going for training for quite some time already. Actually it's cos we didn't pay training fee and didn't want to pay for this term since very few days left. There's also this thing called 'O' Level she's having this year. Gosh, it's hard to imagine her as sec4.
In fact, I myself still can't get over the fact that I'm a sec 2 oso. Shit. mother yelling again liao. Signing off. Heh. Looking back, this seems like a very long post. =) Shit.

... T.T ...

2004-12-20T20:40:00.000-08:00

I swear my mother's evil... I don't know what made me even agree to go to the hairdresser's but I guess I should have expected disasters to turn out, judging by my past experiences. *Shrugs* Yep, I'm back to lil' ol' me again. *sniffles* I guess I'm still a little sore after cutting my hair, which was less than an hour ago, but now I suddenly have the notion of beheading hairdressers... and they crumble to dust. Shit, those sound like vamps. But vamps are cool. Oh well. I am never stepping into a salon for the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure that I'll regret that in the future but hey, I can be an oath breaker if I want to. But who cares about li' ol' me anyway? I'm sure sometimes, I'm better off dead. Oh well, just going to hurl myself off PlazaSing. tomorrow after band prac. byebye cruel world. Ha. If it's that easy. If I'm unlucky, I might just end up with broken legs and stuff. I don't think PTB and the government won't take it too kindly with people who attempts to commit suicide, needless to say those who actually did. Shit, must have been reading too much btvs/lotr fanfics...
For god-knows-what reason, I suddenly felt that Harry James Potter of the ever popular fiction series, Harry Potter, is just like an unloved, helpless puppy... Don't ask me where that came from, I just suddenly had that notion... Ah well. Signing off, need to find an ideal place to go splat tomorrow.

sigh

2004-12-20T07:15:00.000-08:00

ah, 20th december. Sadly, this marks the end of the band break. I must admit, though it pains me to do so, that I am a little reluctant to return to the wondrous busy life filled with CCA, school, TKD, piano, 3rd lang(though I'm not very certain at the rate things are going). It also pains me to admit that I haven't been doing indiv as much as I should and I'm currently feeling immensely guilty. (I don't think 4-5 hrs a week count as much...) There's this fact that my oh-so-holy mother decided that it's high time that I should start helping out with the daily household chores... (I will not say anything more)
Shit. My mother is bringing me out to have my hair cut. Shall blog more later when I get things over and settle my mixed emotions... (btw, do NOT ask me why my language is so wierd today... MoodSwings do that to me...